Someone from the Sky
by Sakurai Rakka
Summary: Not an Amanto. Someone, 2 OCs to be actual, fell from the Sky from the Naruto-verse into Gintama. Well, seems pretty normal. Who knows if two friends-turned-enemies might just return to being friends once more? Mary-tsu warning.
1. Chapter 1

A cool night.

It might've been a cooling night for the Shinsengumi if they had not been forced to hunt down for another one of the shogun's annoying missing pets in the forests within Edo. There were times they wondered if they are really the protectors of Edo or simply man servants for the shogun.

Almost everyone in the Shinsengumi thinks that it is the latter, counting out their Commander, Kondo Isao.

Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi had to spend his entire day within this humid and warm forest looking out for Maru-chan, the belonging to the Shogun. Not wanting to put his life into great risk, he chose to work alone to sieve out the naughty little feline on his own without Okita Sougo.

Under the hot sun right up to the thick humid air, everything is wearing the Demonic Vice-Commander out.

"Nyao!"

"Hn?"

"Nyaaao!"

A cat?

"Nyaooo!" Hijikata rushed forth to the direction of the cats' meowing.

Screw all the branches and mosquitoes swarming at his face, he has to get to that stupid cat before it runs away like what happened in the morning. That stupid ginger cat with a diamond collar that will make any woman go mad.

'Maru-chan's call!' Sougo ran off with his group to the scene.

What greeted their eyes was…

Maru-chan being squashed under this unconscious strawberry blonde.

Clanned in broken pieces of what it seems like remnants of a black amour, bloodied and torn clothes. To top it off, she is bleeding from severe battle wounds. The amount of blood pouring out from the wound on the right of her waist had got the fat Maru-chan completely re-colored.

"Ah, found it." Sougo smirked after kicking the unconscious person aside to retrieve the cat.

"OI! WE HAVE A HALF-DEAD PERSON HERE AND YOU ARE ONLY CONCERNED ABOUT THAT DAMN CAT?!" Hijikata bellowed at the said Captain.

"Why should I care about a half-dead person when our job is to get this?" Okita asked, flashing the fat and bloodied cat to Hijikata.

Well, not that Hijikata disagrees with Okita's argument but the said person is holding onto a katana. On top of that katana, from the remnants of her outfit, Hijikata guessed that she might be someone of high rank. Her wounds did not look like she ran into a bear while on an outing. It looked more like injuries sustained from a battle, albeit a very intense one.

Also, Hijikata is not going to leave a person to die.

Ignoring looks from his comrades, Hijikata carried the lady off the ground, preparing to head off to the main camp to report to Kondo. Okita and company followed behind Hijikata, looking rather nonchalant with regards to the presence of a half-dead person being discovered with Maru-chan.

Having to working within the Shinsengumi had rendered Okita numb to these scenes. He had witnessed numerous half-dead people with his own eyes, people who are in even worse shape that the blonde Hijikata is carrying over to the camp. Somehow, he is unable to understand why Hijikata would fret over a severely-wounded person without fail. Okita wonders if Hijikata will drop his stupid 'good guy' façade for once.

"Commander!"

"Toushi, any news on Maru-CHAAAAA!" Kondo's jaws almost reached to ground when Hijikata came into his view. "TOUSHI! THE SHOGUN ASKED FOR MARU-CHAN, NOT A DEAD BODY!" the commander of the Shinsengumi almost threw a fit when he saw the bloodied lady.

"She's not dead yet, she's still breathing." Hijikata reported while laying the said 'dead body' on the nearest sleeping bag.

"Then we will have to get her to a hospital asap." Kondo managed after getting a hold of his nerves.

"What about Maru…"

"Found it." Okita's monotonous voice interrupted Yamazaki's question. The said Captain had an extremely pissed-looking wet cat in his arms.

"Alright, Sougo, head for the hospital, Toushi, to the Shogun!" Kondo ordered his men while getting ready to leave the area.

"Why am I told to…"

"I can't bring a Captain over! Toushi is my Vice-Commander, he has to follow."

Okita threw Hijikata a glare before turning his attention to the 'dead body'. Of all people within the Shinsengumi, Kondo assigned this 'dead body' to the sadist. May all luck be with her.

For a moment, the 'dead body' thought it heard someone mumbling.

"If not for Kondo-san, I would've thrown you down the river or feed you to the bears."


	2. Chapter 2

Hijikata did not want Okita to stay near to the person he had managed to pick up from the forest. Given his understanding of Okita, it is highly possible that the latter will start to do some really nasty things to the unconscious person. Perhaps getting her to the main tent was a wrong decision when Sougo was around. That imp will do anything to get him killed or get any person who he shows concern over killed.

However, he has to spend time at this stupid pet salon with Kondo to clean Maru-chan. Okita matted up the fat cat's fur while 'cleaning' it; Hijikata suspected that sadist using a scrub to clean the poor thing off blood. However, Maru-chan is getting a 'Super Special Awesome Spa Treatment' at the moment and he doubted if he will be able to rush to the hospital in time to stop Okita from murdering the lady.

While in the hospital, doctors were swarming into the ward that contained the stranger. Okita had been passed with two katanas, a what it seems like a cosplayer's forehead protector bearing the sigil of Xxnohagakure from the manga 'Beruto'(Naruto) and what it seems to be the most complete parts of her amour. It made him wonder if this person is a Jouishi like Katsura for the need to put on a fanciful amour with this stupid Xxnohagakure forehead protector acting like a cosplayer seems suspicious. Those katanas. Sougo did not manage to unsheathe the black katana but for the other one which he managed to pry it out from its sheathe…it is the best sword he had ever laid his eyes on.

'Just who is this person?' he thought after sheathing one of the swords.

Sougo's attention shifted from the swords to the doctor who came out to look rather shocked. He had blood all over his robes and even over his face. It made Sougo wondered what had happened in the ward when they were tending to the 'dead body'. Did the 'dead body' get up from the bed to start gnawing at them like a rampaging zombie?

"Okita-san, are you aware of what this person is?"

"Eh…not sure…we found her…" Sougo stopped upon recalling that they are not supposed to let the public know that the Shogun is using Shinsengumi as man servants to make their already bad image worse. "in the forest. She fell from the sky." That was the only lie that Sougo can think of at the moment.

"Fell from the sky?" the doctor seemed pretty shocked by this piece of information.

"Anything _wrong_ with people falling from the sky?" Sougo questioned with his sadist face.

"Well, from our observations, wounds on her flesh are closing up by itself at a much faster rate than normal humans. However, we are having problems with her fractures. Somehow, her flesh is 'filling up' the gaps in her bones and it is going to delay the timing in which she will fully recover. We've never seen anything like this before; a person whose flesh mends faster than bones."

"In any case just try to get her up and well." Flesh mending faster than bones? Perhaps she is like the China girl from Yorozuya?

The 'dead body' do have rather pale skin like the Yato but she lacks an umbrella. Did she lose it while falling from the sky? (Sougo is starting to be convinced by his stupid lie.)

"And send the bills to Vice-Commander." He is sure that the bills might bankrupt Hijikata.

Meanwhile, Kondo and Hijikata were rushing to the hospital after the meeting with Matsudaira. They did not let the God of Destruction know anything with regards to the 'dead body' they found. They did not want him to enter the hospital with a bazooka randomly firing at 'assassins'. Also, they did not want Matsudaira to kill the half-dead person who they had managed to rescue and yet to question.

When they reached the ward, Sougo is seated by the 'dead body' while cutting an apple. It made both men uncomfortable as they were sure that Sougo was on the verge of doing something sadistic to the person lying on the ward bed.

"Kondo-san, the hospital staff passed these to me." Sougo gestured to the items.

Hijikata's eyes were on the pair of katanas.

Perhaps a Joui member?

Kondo took the seat opposite Sougo to observe the person in coma.

"Is she an Amanto?" the commander pointed at the pale skin which reminds him of Kagura.

"There's no ID on her, can't tell whether she travelled her illegally or she got robbed halfway through the forest. Anyway, I've told the doctors that she fell from the sky." Sougo replied while taking out a Shinsengumi sausage.

"Who the hell would buy such a lame story?!" Hijikata bellowed.

"The doctors did." He is very sure that Sougo must have threatened them into believing his story.

Taking a better look at the unconscious lady, Hijikata kind of know why Sougo's lie seemed rather convincing. This person looks like what a Tennyo looks like in paintings and illustrations. He wondered what happened to her to be in such bad shape.

Perhaps she is a Yato?

The three men stayed confused within the room, trying to guess who and what this person is in avail. No ID, strange-looking amour, wielding 2 katanas. This sums up as an extremely fishy case for them. However, they will have to wait till this person regains consciousness before they are able to get any information out from her.

All they can do at the moment is to continue on with their usual business until further updates from the hospital staff.


	3. Chapter 3

She woke up thanks to the strong smell of ethanol; Tsubasa found herself lying on a hospital bed with bandages all over her body. However, she is very sure at the moment that this is not Konohagakure's hospital. It smells totally different from Konoha. Also, a nurse who she had never met in her whole life is currently changing her dressings. That nurse's uniform confirmed her suspicions that she is not in Konohagakure at the moment.

The nurse was surprised when Tsubasa tried moving and she told the latter to remain in the ward while she calls the doctors over. While waiting for the doctors to arrive, Tsubasa managed to drag her worn-out body out from the ward bed to take a look at the scenery outside of the window.

What she saw shocked her.

'Is this…Edo?' she frowned at the sight of a mish-mash between traditional Japanese buildings and an almost equal number of skyscrapers while leaning against the window frame. If her eyesight did not fail her, she might be thrown into some other weird country from upon her fight against Mika.

'Or did I just got thrown off into another dimension?' she thought, gaping at the sight.

While her mind is filled with questions, the hospital staff had arrived with Hijikata and Sougo.

All were surprised to see her by the window.

After several minutes, Tsubasa was being forced to do some scans in order for the doctors to deem her fit for discharge. There were two men in black uniforms following her wherever she goes with the doctors and she is getting slightly uncomfortable from the taller of the two. His eyes seem to be trying to perform its own scan to determine whether she is some sort of alien creature. The younger-looking of the pair seem pretty nonchalant.

While she is in the room for another round of scans, Hijikata approached the doctor.

"Is she fit to be discharged?"

"We will have to wait till tomorrow after processing through the scans. Judging from what we have at the moment, she seemed pretty well for a person who had been in coma for the past two weeks." The doctor informed.

In fact, she seems to be too well for a person who had awakened from a coma.

However, Tsubasa could feel that her body had gotten pretty weak. Her movement is impaired by the sharp jabs of pain on her right rib and right leg. Also, her head is constantly heavy as if she had slept for a long time. Had she been in a coma all along?

Also, where is Mika? If she is here, there is a very high possibility that Mika is here too. They had clashed swords before Tsubasa was being 'blown away' from the impact of their respective attacks and charka. Tsubasa was almost drained of all of her charka during that one fight; in fact, her body at the moment has sufficient charka to just heal some of her superficial wounds. After getting pass the initial shock, she had started to realize the amount of pain she is in at the moment. Unbearable.

Given her normal bodily functions with optimal charka, most of her superficial battle wounds would have been healed by the third day. Now, she is stuck in this strange dimension, with a battered body and a pair of potentially dangerous strangers.

There were times Hijikata wondered if this person is even aware of the fact that they are from the Shinsengumi. She seems to be ignorant to the fact that there are two Shinsengumi officers following her around the hospital.

When she was done with the various scans, the doctors left her with the duo in the ward. She did not know what to do and continued staring at the window.

"What's your name?" Hijikata asks.

"Tsubasa. Takizawa Tsubasa."

"Which planet are you from?" this question got her.

What did this scary-looking man mean by 'which planet are you from'? Although Tsubasa is aware of the fact that she acts strange at times, this man barely know her enough to ask such a question. This is nonsense. Is he assuming that she is some sort of 'invading alien from outer space' and going to kill her to 'save the day'?

Hijikata sense outrage coming off from the pale lady; did he offended this person by asking the usual questions?

"What do you mean by that…." She paused and flushed, realizing that she did not even know this person's name to start an argument properly. "erm…what's your name?"

"Hijikata Toushirou. I'm the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi."

"Okita Sougo. Captain of the 1st Squad of the Shinsengumi." The younger-looking of the pair mumbled.

This Sougo's voice is quite familiar.

"Oh…so you guys are like Agent J and Agent K…"

"We're not MIB." Hijikata told her.

"Says the fierce dude in black. Are you going to use the neuralyzer on me?!" she covers her eyes with her hands.

"I told you, we are not MIB!"

"Says the person in black." Sougo joined in.

"Oi, YOU ARE IN BLACK TOO!" Hijikata bellowed at him.

Then, a middle-aged plump nurse appeared by the door and started screaming at Hijikata for smoking and causing a huge ruckus with his yelling. Tsubasa still had her hands over her eyes.

"I'm not a bug, neither am I an evil queen from Kyloth. I am just a woman."

"Stop your stupid MIB references!" Hijikata told her off. "How can a normal woman be this energetic after a two-week coma?!"

"I had been in coma for two weeks?!" she gaped at Hijikata like a goldfish out of water.

Sougo proceeded to close the ward's door and Hijikata edged nearer to her. Tsubasa could catch this overwhelming tobacco musk mixed with some other food coming off from the said man. It made her shift away from him instinctively; she is not a fan of tobacco. Hijikata smells like he had been in an alley with a bunch of heavy smokers and there is something out of place within his scent. It smells like food; not really food but more of a substance that is found in some foods. With her screwed-up mind at the moment, Tsubasa is unable to pinpoint out what the said item is.

However, she has to admit that Hijikata has a pair of really attractive eyes.

There is a certain musk surrounding him which made her heartbeat hasten. It smelled of blood, gunpowder and to a certain extent, the battlefield. This is a man who had faced death several times through his life. This person might have been leading a similar life as hers.

Hijikata proceeded to seize the collar of her shirt and brought her face even closer to his tobacco-ridded breath.

"Look here, we found you half-dead in the forests with no means of identification. It is to your best interests to cooperate with us. What planet are you from?" he did not sound like he is joking this time. Tsubasa's instincts told her that following his question he meant 'don't make me use force'.

Force? He might look and sound scary to most but not to her. However, she is well aware that she is in no shape to use force against Hijikata too.

Fight evil with evil. Fight tobacco-ridded breath with…

Hijikata and Sougo leapt off from the edge of the ward bed to the edge of the room. The vice-commander ran for the windows and caught his breath. Sougo almost got knocked out by the foul smell that filled the room but he managed to make it to the window too. Both men were panting for their dear lives.

Never in Sougo's life had he ran away from a fart.

This is no ordinary fart. This is at least an atomic stink bomb.

Of ALL forms of retaliation, this woman chose a FART.

"I'm sorry, Vice-Commander, I guess my body needs to let off some steam after going into sleep for such a long time. Hahaha…" Tsubasa laughed her usual empty laugh.

'Let off some steam?! You call this terminator of a fart 'some steam'?! Are you joking?!' Hijikata thought while recovering. He had met a lot of women through his life but this is the first time Hijikata had ever met a woman who dared to fart like nobody's business in front of strangers. Even Sougo cannot take her fart too as indicated by his presence at the other window.

"Hijikata-san, this is the first time I ever met a woman who dares to fart in front of you upon first meeting. Are you losing your charm?"

"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT YOU IDIOT!"

"Vice-Commander, are you fine?" came that lady's voice. This time, she sounds innocent and Hijikata swore that she seemed to 'transform' into a cat girl. Albeit to a very sadistic yet innocent-looking one.

Sougo thought that he had finally found his own kind too. A sadistic catwoman that is.

"Tsubasa, it is fine if you want to let loose." Sougo interrupted with his usual monotonous voice. "I can understand how you feel after waking up from a coma."

"Is that so, Sougo-kun?"

'Since when did they get so familiar with each other?' Hijikata wondered upon noticing the way the pair refers to each other. Sougo even wanted to throw her into the river when he first met her and now they are talking as if they knew each other for years. Hijikata concluded that he will be dead today.

That Sougo even pat her shoulder to assure her that everything will be fine. Hijikata could see the malicious glint within their eyes when they were talking. Gintoki and Sougo are already pain in the neck for Hijikata most of the time and now even this strawberry blonde is in the picture. Just his luck.

The pair turned to Hijikata with the same face.

This can only mean trouble.


	4. Chapter 4

"How was the qu-" Yamazaki stopped when he realized that Hijikata looked as if he had lost his soul. Sougo seemed pretty refreshed beside Hijikata.

"Turns out that we have a Tennyo*."

"That's not a Tennyo, that's a freaking oni*!" Hijikata corrected Sougo. 'Tennyo my ass, she might be one from the planet of Sadists. That woman is definitely an oni.' Hijikata thought after all the mindfuck he went through in the hospital. Only another sadist like Sougo will see that woman as a Tennyo.

However, he did manage to get some information out from the crazy bitch.

First off, she is really not aware of the ways of this place. She is using the mindfuck session to mask the fact that she has no knowledge on how this place works.

Second, she is not an Amanto. The blood tests Hijikata had managed to get (more of force) from the staff from the research team did not identify her as an Amanto. In fact, most of her DNA comprises of normal human DNA but certain portions within her DNA is abnormal for a human. The the team can only hypothesize that Tsubasa is a half-Amanto. When asked which planet did the other half came from, the researchers were unable to identify that to them. They wanted the Shinsengumi to bring Tsubasa to their research facility as a study subject; an idea which Sougo rejected immediately. He did not want to lose a partner-in-crime.

Third, this person might have Jump-obsession. Particularly Naruto obsession.

Hijikata had been trying to tell her that Xxnohagakure and Xxnagakure do not exist and that there is no wide-scale war between any ninja villages at the moment in avail.

At the rate that they are going, Hijikata could foresee this woman sticking to them. He must find a way to get rid of her; women are not allowed to stay within the Shinsengumi.

"This is going to be a really troublesome case." He mumbled.

"She is the first person who I can ever become fast friends with."

"More of becoming a double S group!" Hijikata told the nonchalant man off.

"No, it's triple S. Okita Sougo and Takizawa TSubaSa." He told the Vice-Commander. "There are three 'S' in our names."

It is no wonder that Sougo are friends with that crazy bitch.

Note:

*Tennyo is the Japanese term for a Heavenly Maiden or a celestial maiden. Some sort of a Japanese version of a fairy.

*Oni is a Japanese Ogre or a demon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, long-ass chapter everyone. Forgive me...**

* * *

Gintoki is in his usual lazy and grumpy mode again. Lying on the couch opposite Kagura's, the silver-haired samurai had a lollipop in his mouth while reading the latest issue of Jump. The unmotivated samurai is too lazy to take up another job and the same goes for the as unmotivated Kagura.

The only person who seems to be willing to work at the moment would be Shinpachi, who is clearing up the dishes in the kitchen.

"Gin-san, can you please do your own dishes next time? What I've just finished was atrocious! It looked like two weeks worth of dishes!" Shinpachi told the unmotivated man whose response was 'mmm'. There were times Shinpachi wondered why he is still sticking to Gintoki, wasting his precious time away when he could have been gainfully employed.

This unmotivated man never fails to be behind his rent, pays Shinpachi late and constantly slacking away reading Shonen Jump.

Shinpachi had tried his best to convince Gintoki to be less of a slacker and more of a boss in his life but what he had been hearing is those stupid lectures.

However, he is not going to give up on making Gintoki face reality.

"Jobs do not fall from the sky, Shinpachi. Won't it be good if everything fell from the sky? I would want a young and curvy blonde lady with violet eyes, fair skin and long legs to sit on my lap while I read Jump everyday…" the man rant.

"Isn't that Tsukuyo-san you've just described?! Also, you should wish for your long-lost motivation in life to fall from the sky to hit and penetrate your natural-perm-silver-hair-infested head into your rotten and sugar-infested soul!" Shinpachi yelled at the man who started digging his nose.

"I thought Gin-chan would want strawberry milk to fall from the sky." Kagura joined the conversation. "I would want rice and sukonbu to fall from the sky everyday-aru!"

"A lovely blonde lady, lots of money and strawberry milk!" Gintoki sighed while engaging in his fantasy. "Not Tsukuyo. Who wants a woman who claims to be able to take puff-puff action and kills you the next minute you touch her by accident?"

If only Tsukuyo is not that skilled in her kunais. Tae is not bad after taking out the bad cooking and monstrous temper. Ayame would be quite good if she is not that much of a stalker. Kyuubei would make a fine wife if she did not have issues with men touching her. However, Gintoki has to admit that none of these ladies like Shonen Jump and strawberry milk enough for him to integrate them into his life. There were times he wanted to find a woman to settle down but the women surrounding him seems to be a little abnormal for him to have the idea to want to 'settle down' with any one of them.

He is not asking for more. Just someone who has a smile as beautiful as Ketsuno Ana, does not chide him for his Shonen Jump-obsession, does not scold him for his sugar-obsession, does not mind a man who is a little unmotivated in life, does not give a damn about his nose-picking habit…his perverted side…his…

Is there even a woman who can take the fact that he is Sakata Gintoki?

Or, is there even a woman that Gintoki will never be able to find fault with?

Now that he starts thinking about it…

"I'm going to be forever alone…" he realized.

"Yes, Gin-san will be forever alone if you still continue on with your way of life as a lazy and unmotivated samurai!" Shinpachi did not realize that Gintoki had not been paying any attention to his blabbering.

"No way, I want to die one day of old age with my wife and surrounded by hordes of grandchildren." He groaned, getting more depressed as minutes passed by.

"Who says that you are going to die alone, danna." Sougo's voice came from the door while Gintoki was all depressed.

Kagura launched herself into the air and directed a flying kick towards Sougo's direction. The said Shinsengumi officer managed to dodge the straightforward attack to reveal Hijikata who seem as annoyed with Gintoki's presence as usual.

It is quite rare for the Shinsengumi officers to appear at Yorozuya. Most of the time the Shinsengumi officers, especially their Vice-Commander, will avoid being near Yorozuya. However when they are around, there is bound to be something really important like asking them to check on something that they cannot achieve on their own means.

However, Hijikata is usually not the kind of person who will ask for help from Gintoki.

"I asked for a woman, not a mayora." Gintoki stopped in the middle of his grumbling.

"AND I DID NOT ASK FOR A SADIST! IT'S SUKONBU! SU-KON-BU!" Kagura screams while attacking Sougo.

"Sougo…" a lady's voice came from beyond the door. Kagura and Shinpachi managed to squeeze through to look at the person outside.

Yes, the Shinsengumi do come over to Yorozuya at times. They do appear but never bringing a woman with them. It got the other two curious. Gintoki's attention shifted from the annoying Hijikata to the source of the voice and Kagura stopped in mid-punch to look at the origin of the voice.

The Yorozuya trio nearly had their jaws hitting Otose's doorstep when they saw the person.

"Blonde…" Shinpachi mumbled.

"Young and long legs-aru!" Kagura carried on.

The pair turned to Gin who had an expression as if he got kicked hard in his crotch.

'She's…she's…' his brain is unable to work from the sight.

SHE HAS A SHONEN JUMP IN HER HANDAND SHE IS DRINKING STRAWBERRY MILK! Not Akamaru Jump, the real deal, the real Jump!

"Gin-chan, your dream girl!" Kagura exclaimed, leaving Sougo's presence off her world for the time being.

It is not a small carton of strawberry milk. She has an entire one litre carton of strawberry milk. Gintoki thought he saw 'made for Sakata Gintoki' pasted on her back when she walked to talk to Sougo.

"Yorozuya, the Shinsengumi will be placing this woman under your care."

"WHAT?!" the said person yelped after hearing Hijikata.

"Your stupid Jump-obsession is enough reason for us to throw you out of our Headquarters."

Hijikata mentioned 'Jump-obsession'.

Gintoki is in heaven. This person standing in front of him with her strawberry milk and Jump is his heavenly maiden. Pushing the Shinsengumi duo aside, Gintoki headed straight for his Tennyo who did not seem to be in a good mood.

"Erm, sorry, I'm Sa…"

"Get the fuck off, Albino." She shot him down. "Hijikata Toushirou, how can you do this to me?! After seeing my bare body, after touching my bare skin with your hands, after…" she paused to swallow. Hijikata got really disturbed after hearing her words.

"Hijikata-san, that's really irresponsible of you. I thought you're not going to leave her no matter what happens." Sougo added in, fuelling to Gintoki's steadily growing rage.

Seen her bare body? Touched her bare skin? After what?! Hijikata of all men in the universe…Hijikata Toushirou, the Demonic Vice-Commander of the tax-robbers by the name of Shinsengumi. Just what the hell did Hijikata do to his Tennyo?!

From what he heard from her…

"MAYORAAA!"

"OI! NOTHING HAPPENED! NO MATTER WHAT YOU TRY TO DO YOU ARE NOT LIVING WITHIN THE HEADQUARTERS!"

"Eh? WHY?! I like it there!"

"Sasa, no woman can live within the Shin-" Sougo stopped to avoid the rampaging Gintoki who had Toyakou against Hijikata's sword.

The lady simply shrugged and sighed.

"So, nothing happened between…" Shinpachi almost thought that Hijikata had…

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND TEAR OFF YOUR BALLS APPEASE MY WOMAN!"

"Huh?" Tsubasa frowned after hearing what Gintoki said. "Since when did I become _your woman_?"

Gintoki stopped to stare at Tsubasa who seemed pretty fine.

"Don't fuck with me Yorozuya! I simply bumped into her when she was changing in my room without locking the door! I got kicked out of my own room by this crazy bitch who before I could do anything!"

"Hey, I did tell you to close the door before kicking you out." Tsubasa retorted looking totally different from the sad and pitiful lady from before. "And you were staring at my ass."

"You didn't even bother covering yourself up!"

"Because any man with decency should close the door after bumping into a lady who is changing halfway!"

All men looked at Tsubasa; there is no way any man will not stop and stare at her after finding her in nude in their room. Unless it is a pretty ugly woman, they doubted if any man will not stop and stare at a lady in nude. If she cuts off her long hair, she might look like a pretty boy but she looks pretty fine for a woman with rather sharp features. That face coupled with her pale skin is not going to deter most normal men from staring. What is wrong with her head?

"What makes you think of it that way?! And that was MY ROOM!"

"Can't you listen to a simple instruction to close the door? I kicked you because you were unable to comprehend simple instructions like 'please close the door, I will get a cold if you leave it open for too long.'"

While watching the pair squabble, Shinpachi wondered what went wrong with this woman.

She beat Hijikata up not due to the fact that he had been staring at her bare body but over the fact that she did not want to catch a cold while changing. 'This woman is definitely made for Gin-san.' Shinpachi thought while watching.

That Jump and strawberry milk is pretty sufficient for GIntoki at the moment.

"Shinpachi, she is…" Kagura pointed to the strawberry blonde's chest.

Flat.

Not that curvy.

However, they doubted that Gintoki will notice that after seeing her with Jump and strawberry milk. In fact, the said man is now engaged in a fight against Hijikata over the fact that the latter saw her naked. The lady did not seem to care about the fact that the pair are fighting over the nonsense she had started to read the copy of Jump she had with her at one corner of the balcony. She simply stepped aside to let Gintoki attack Hijikata.

Shinpachi raised his courage to talk to the nonchalant blonde.

"Erm, I'm sorry to disturb you, my name is Shimura Shinpachi…"

"Takizawa Tsubasa." She replied without looking up from the magazine.

"I'm Kagura!"

"Nice meeting you guys." She continued, without looking up from the magazine.

'Is she even aware of what is going on at the moment?' Shinpachi wondered while looking at the lady with Kagura. She seems to be in her own world and not going to stop the fight between the two men which she is responsible over. Sougo is not helping with the situation by taking Gintoki's side with a bazooka.

"Fine, if I win this fight then she gets to stay in Yorozuya, you hear me?!" Hijikata snapped at Gintoki who turned tail to stop Sougo from firing.

"You little…"

"Shinsengumi is willing to pay danna monthly for taking Sasa in." Sougo told Gintoki.

"What if I refuse to lose to this Mayora?"

"Then I'll just have to take care of both of you for treating me like garbage." Tsubasa interrupted, throwing both Gintoki and Hijikata over the balcony.

Tsubasa's moved surprised Kagura and Shinpachi. They did remember her at one corner reading Jump just a few seconds ago. Just around 20 seconds ago, this lady is tucked in one corner of the balcony reading her magazine without looking up at anybody. Then she threw _Gintoki and Hijikata _over the balcony. Gintoki and Hijikata. Flipped like tables. Over the balcony.

Although appearing to be pretty badass, Tsubasa's ribs are throbbing. She is going to need _a lot _of painkillers after this stupid display of annoyance.

The lady in question turned her attention to the Yorozuya pair with a smile. They thought they saw Tsubasa spotting ginger cat ears and a tail. Hijikata was yelling from the first floor but the blonde simply had a pinky in her ear and acted as if nothing happened before slapping a hi-five with Sougo. Her actions made Shinpachi wonder what had been going on in the Shinsengumi to have such a person with them.

"Sougo, do I really have to leave the headquarters?"

"I think you have to, Sasa. Women are not allowed to stay long-term in the Headquarters."

"But I don't look like a guy even when I've tried?" Tsubasa pouted.

"Sasa, you do look like a guy when you tried but that's not the problem." Sougo could remember how the other Shinsengumi members looked at her the first day she arrived at the Headquarters. Also, the Shinsengumi members did not seem to recognize her as the same person when she puts on a dark short wig complete with the Shinsengumi uniform (which she had stolen from Yamazaki).

They were freaked out by her as she looked pretty much like an overly-pretty boy. Without her long blonde hair, most of the Shinsengumi members were pretty confused about her sex. In short, this girl looks like a tranny of some sorts. Also, after learning that she is a female, the Headquarters was pretty much messed-up by Matsudaira who wanted to 'bring the suspect home for further questioning'.

Even Kondo knew that the old man was bullshitting. Tsubasa did not help with the situation by punching the said old man in the face after taking a sip of sake.

After consideration, they decided to put her with the Yorozuya. Not too far from them but at least Matsudaira cannot see her in the Headquarters and attempt to bring her away. He is more inclined to forget once he does not see Tsubasa around for some time. Also, the said lady in question with Sougo had been torturing Hijikata on a daily basis to the point whereby it is affecting the Shinsengumi's work at times.

She knew that her puppy eyes will not work on Sougo but attempted to use them to convince the young Captain on her reluctance to leave. Free meals, free lodging, spacious room, lots of nice people and she gets to torture the legendary Demonic Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi who happens to be quite hot. Who would want to leave such a place for the rather shabby-looking Yorozuya? She has taken a liking for Hijikata after the time spent screwing him up real bad. Who doesn't like the smoking (almost literately) hot Hijikata Toushirou of Shinsengumi?

To be honest, she was quite hurt after learning that Hijikata vehemently wanted her out of the Headquarters.

"You should use these eyes on Hijikata-san or Kondo-san earlier."

"Yeah, I regretted that." Tsubasa told Sougo. "Bring Toushi over. I get bored easily." She sighs in defeat.

"Don't worry; if you are with danna, I think you will have lots of chance to bump into Hijikata-san. And more fun." Sougo noted as Gintoki is similar to Hijikata.

Looking down at both men with similar expressions, she kind of understood what Sougo meant by 'more fun'.

"Oi, the first person who gets up here will have my tongs as his prize!" she yelled down to the bickering pair on the street.

People who used to be minding their business turned to look at the blonde leaning against the railing. Shinpachi's jaw dropped upon hearing Tsubasa's words. What does this woman have for brains?! Bullshit? Gintoki dashes for the stairs and Hijikata followed suit; she knew that Hijikata will from her observation. However, she did not expect strangers to be rushing up the stairs too.

Within three minutes, the stairway to Yorozuya had become some sort of a war zone.

Are men in Kabuki Cho this deprived?

Gintoki and Hijikata were amongst the crowd on the stairway and this time; even Otose got Tama out to clear the crowd in from of her shop with her flame throwing mop. Both men rushed in front of Tsubasa at the same time and Sougo whistled upon seeing Hijikata looking like a loser. He lost his jacket, vest is open and even his shirt is slanted. He even got his right eye bruised.

The sight and thought of Hijikata rushing up in a crowd for her tongs kind of amused and appeased her.

Gintoki looked no better; his hair looks even messier with bits of what it seems to be dango sticks stuck in it. The yukata hanging on his right shoulder is down on his elbow and he had a bruised left eye.

"I'm sorry; I don't have my tongs on at the moment." She smirks to the pair after getting into Yorozuya. Counting out Kagura and Sougo, everyone present went red in the face.

Blood is seen trickling down Gintoki's left nostril. Shinpachi's glasses fogged immediately when he saw the naughty grin on her face. Hijikata averted his eyes from her too; he knows her too well.

"They are just not my type of underwear."

"We are not interested in your underwear preferences!" Shinpachi yelled at the lady after Gintoki's other nostril joined in with the bleeding.

"Hey, I'm moving in with you guys; I should make things like this clear! What if my underwear gets mixed up in the washer? Or someone wears my underwear by mistake?!"

"Your size is way too different from Kagura-chan's to get mixed up!" Shinpachi countered.

"I'm talking about Mr Nosebleeding Albino." She pointed to Gintoki.

Gintoki wiped his nose clean upon hearing this; did this lady called him an albino again? He remembered someone calling him an albino earlier.

"Excuse me, my name is Sakata Gintoki."

"Eh? Bakata Kintoki?"

She has the same eyes when she is annoying Hijikata.

"Sakata Gintoki. SAKATA GINtoki." Gintoki is slowly waking up from his dream that he had met his goddess.

"Ginkaku?" she smirked. He is like Hijikata.

"It's Gintoki." He repeated, getting slightly annoyed. Tsubasa nodded while digging her left ear with her pinky.

Seeing the potential of the pair getting in an argument, Shinpachi changed the subject of the conversation fast. He did not want Gintoki, Hijikata and Tsubasa to start a fight in the room and wreck all furniture. They had yet to pay back the renovators for their previous reparations for the wreckage caused by Gintoki and Kagura fighting over for the last piece of biscuit.

Although not as obvious in comparison to Gintoki, Hijikata was charmed by her appearance initially. After getting over her appearance, he realized that Tsubasa is a crazy bitch. Now Gintoki is about to experience what he went through during the questioning session Hijikata had with Tsubasa in the hospital.

"Takizawa-san, what do you mean by Gin-san wearing your underwear by accident?"

"She wears boxers." Sougo replied to Shinpachi's question. Gintoki and Hijikata's eyes were on the nonchalant captain. This woman occupies the room beside Hijikata's and he is not aware of her underwear type. How close they are for Sougo know what kind of underwear she wears? Gintoki's earlier rage on Hijikata got transferred over the Sougo upon this.

"How the hell you know what kind of underwear she wears?!"

"Ehh, Sadist has preference for flat-chested and women who are taller than him-aru!"

"At least she is better than bun-wearing girl from China who can't talk properly. Midget." Sougo ignored Gintoki's question.

"WHAT MIDGET?!" the pair started their own verbal abuse.

"Oi Sougo, how the hell you know what underwe-"

"I wear his boxers." Tsubasa answered Hijikata's question.

Now her image in Gintoki's mind is destroyed by fifty percent. How a flat woman wearing one of Sougo's boxers is sexy?! This is really disturbing to the silver-haired samurai who thought that she might be wearing cute or sexy underwear beneath her clothes. The image in his mind is not that nice when she mentioned that she wears Sougo's boxers. She looks very much like a tranny in Gintoki's mind with Sougo's boxers.

If she mixes up their underwear and ends up wearing his boxers…

Now Hijikata has the same expression of horror as Gintoki. Both men did a face palm at the same time.

"What about…" Shinpachi was too shy to say.

"Do I look like I need a bra?" she pointed out to her flat chest.

Now even Shinpachi got disturbed. Tsubasa smirked upon seeing the effect of her words. Yes, she wants to weird them out so that she can continue staying at the Headquarters. Gintoki's impression of this woman is getting worse by every single sentence that comes off from her mouth.

"You know, you shouldn't be telling people things like that." Shinpachi managed after getting a hold of his mind.

"Meh, like I care." She shrugged.

"You are not returning to the Headquarters no matter what happens." Hijikata cut her short.

Damn.


	6. Chapter 6

Kagura left home in a huff for her morning exercises.

Gintoki is still lying sprawled over the floor in the morning and he realized something not right with his room. Yes, he forgot that there is another person sleeping in his room. After all these time having the bedroom for him, he had left out the fact that he should be sleeping within the area of his futon. Well, cracking an eye open, he realized that he had been sleeping within the area of his futon but…

The other person had her left foot against his face.

On top of a foot, that woman is snoring in her sleep with a puddle forming on his futon. Also, she is hugging his leg as a bolster of some sort and he could feel something wet on his foot.

Impression of this woman?

Beyond any hope.

"WHAT THE FUUUCK!"

"Eh?" Tsubasa blinked.

"You drooled all over my foot!" Gintoki snapped at the lady over breakfast.

"Gin-san, you should not be so aggressive towards Tsubasa-san. She's new." Shinpachi sighed while passing Tsubasa strawberry milk.

"New my ass! What makes you think that drooling on other people is socially acceptable to forgive her if she is new?!" After dinner yesterday, Gintoki concluded that this woman is from hell. She must be sent by God to punish him for his addiction to sugar.

Her appetite is on par with Kagura. He wondered how much harder he should work to feed these bottomless pits; even though the monthly 'rent' Shinsengumi pays them is not little, he doubted that it is enough in a long run. This woman eats too much for his liking.

Also, the main reason for Gintoki's disdain is her rather uncouth behavior. She sits like a man, eats like one, talks as vulgar as one and she is even perverted like one. Also, no matter how much milk she drinks, she is flat like a cardboard. Major put off for him.

He remembered asking for a curvy woman, a woman, a curvy woman.

He felt cheated by the Jump and strawberry milk.

"Tsubasa-san, I think it is time for us to know more about you." Shinpachi had been pretty nice to her compared to Gintoki.

"Eh? Hm….what do you guys want to know? I told you that I wear boxers."

"Not your underwear preferences, Tsubasa-san. What about the other aspects? Like what you love to eat, your likes and dislikes…"

The blonde frowned upon Shinpachi's questions. Other aspects?

Like what? She is an ANBU member? That she fought against a Kazekage who is responsible for Gaara's demise? As if they are going to buy it. Up till now, only Kondo believes her and promised to keep it a secret. She only managed to convince Hijikata and Sougo about the part that she waged war against Mika.

There were times she wondered what the hell did she do to deserve a punishment like this. She would rather die than to stay in a dimension whereby her whole life had been a shonen manga. And she does not even exist within the plot of the stupid manga! It is all about that Kyuubi boy Naruto and the emo-kid Uchiha Sasuke and the stupid fangirl Haruno Sakura! Not even a single panel within the manga has her! Even a single tree in Konohagakure has more presence within Naruto than her!

First thought after reading through the manga was 'FML'.

Even the quiet and emotionless Sai got featured! What about her?

Nowhere to be found.

Why the hell did she accept her position as an ANBU member back then? If she knew that life as an ANBU member means zero presence within the manga she would've choose to fail every subject like Naruto!

Kagura, who had returned from her morning excercises, had her large blue eyes on Tsubasa while chewing on her sukonbu. Though appearing to be uninterested, she caught Gintoki sneaking glances at her direction. They are indeed interested. However, she had promised the Shinsengumi trio to keep it away from Yorozuya; she has to lie with regards to her background.

"Ramen. I love ramen."

"Hey woman, you are blonde but that doesn't make you Naruto for liking ramen." Gintoki told her off.

This statement made Tsubasa recall how much it sucks to have no presence within her so-called home dimension which is a manga without her presence. No screen time. No names mentioned. Nothing. Only collectively known as 'ANBU'. Also, for some odd reasons, ANBU members kept getting their asses owned in the manga. All that is making her wonder why in the world went wrong with the Hokage to pick such weak people to be in the ANBU.

She had to remind herself constantly that 'Naruto' manga is not the exact reflection of her home dimension.

Some stupid anime-and-manga-and-fanfic-ception this whole chunk is. .

"That has nothing to do with Naruto. I just happen to like ramen, Albinpaa! (albino+tennenpa)"

"What did you say, blondie?! Did you just called me an Albino+tennenpa?!" Gintoki got off from the couch, rolling his sleeve.

"Did you called me blondie?!"

"Please, can both of you stop fighting?!" Shinpachi told the pair off. "Gin-san, stop provoking Tsubasa-san!"

"Shut up, megane." Both of them told Shinpachi off, still glaring at each other.

"What has your fight got to do with my glasses?!"

"Shortie megane."

"Forever alone megane."

"Forever alone shortie megane which will never evolve into a hot meme like Rayben Wayfarers." Gintoki and Tsubasa said together.

Since when things had changed from a war between Takizawa Tsubasa and Sakata Gintoki to a Shinpachi-trashing session? Shinpachi gave up on trying getting to know Tsubasa through a normal chatting session; there is no way he can take another combined assault from Gintoki and Tsubasa. These two are too alike to the point it becomes a nightmare to Shinpachi.

Now he understands why the Shinsengumi wanted Tsubasa out of the Headquarters.

Gintoki and Tsubasa are a deadly combination, let alone Sougo with Tsubasa taking on Hijikata. There is nothing more annoying than people referring to her blonde hair and calling her 'Blondie'. She might have strawberry blonde hair but that does not mean that she has a malnourished brain beneath the skull.

Although she is oversensitive over her blonde hair, she had not once wanted to change her 'offending' hair colour. This offending hair colour is a trait which links her up with her family. This annoying blonde hair is part of her identity.

"Don't ever call me blondie. You hear me?" Tsubasa said, seizing the collar of Gintoki's shirt.

He thought he saw a black demon behind the lady when she said those words.

"Yeah, yeah, we hear you. Right, Shinpachi?" Gintoki nudged the bespectacled teen by his right.

"Ehhh, yeah, sorry, Tsubasa-san…hahahaha…" Shinpachi is trembling.

She lets go of Gintoki's collar with a 'hmph' and sat back at the couch opposite. 'Seriously, what the hell is this woman?! Some kind of Amanto?! Damn the tax-robbers!' Gintoki panicked. 'Did I just saw an Oni behind her? That was an Oni isn't it? A really scary and black Oni. What is she?' Shinpachi started questioning reality.

Kagura seemed pretty unfazed by the sight though, she is still chewing on her sukonbu.

"Would it be better if I call you Sasa?"

"I'm fine by that." She smiles a smile totally the opposite what happened earlier.

"Sasa is so cool! You almost made Gin-chan pee in his pants with a look!"

"I DIDN'T YOU SUKONBU-ONNA!"

"Eh?" the duo turns to Gintoki giving him those 'I dare you to say that again and you'll get it' face.

'Sukonbu and now this crazy temperamental blonde tranny-looking flat-chested bitch.' Gintoki scowled within his mind.

There must be something not right with her up in her head.

Technically speaking, she is not obliged to provide help to Yorozuya as the latter is being entrusted by the Shinsengumi and they are being paid for taking care of her. However, given her rather abnormal temperament, Gintoki decided that receiving pay from the Shinsengumi is not enough.

He is going to make her work for her own allowances.

"Mind if I tag along?" Tsubasa asks before Gintoki could put it through.

"You mean you are going to come along with us for our jobs?" Kagura seems pretty hopeful.

"Yeah, but not all the jobs. I have to deal with some personal matters from time-to-time but I guess I am free most of the time. Also, I can't take the fact that I'm leeching." Now Gintoki's impression of this woman is recovering slightly.

At least she has some initiative.

"Ah, Sasaaa!" Kagura's blue eyes twinkled upon seeing a firm nod from the lady.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hijikata-san, you sure that you don't miss Sasa?" Sougo asked halfway through the meeting. Hijikata paused in the middle of his lecture and glared at the young captain. Sure, without that obnoxious blonde around, Shinsengumi is a much quieter place but this does not mean that Hijikata will miss such a person around.

He is the one who is being made out a laughing stock of by Tsubasa constantly, why should he miss her? Perhaps the only person who misses her the most would be that equally sadistic Sougo. She is one hell of a troublemaker. He is starting to wonder why in the world he is dubbed as the Demonic Vice-Commander. He is the subject of Tsubasa's stupid pranks day-in and day-out. She had seem to take a Sougo-like fascination with watching his epic failure moments.

For the first few days in the Shinsengumi, she remained pretty mild-mannered in terms of her actions. However when she is able to ditch those crutches, it is an entirely different story.

His entire mayonnaise stash disappeared within a single night; room splashed with mayonnaise, mayonnaise in his undergarments…also, she had collaborated with Sougo to 'kill' him on several occasions when the latter managed to smuggle her along for certain missions. He has to admit that she looks pretty damn much like a bishie with a stupid wig. Of ALL kinds of wig, Hijikata did not understand why in the world she chose a Sebastian Michealis wig and a stupid captain uniform which reminds him of another Hijikata*. Vividly.

Hijikata's almost bade farewell to his days as a man from one of those little 'assault' events.

"Tch." Hijikata wonders why he keeps recalling all the nonsense she did to him during her stay over at the Headquarters.

"Ah, Hijikata-san misses Sasa. I shall tell her about this." Sougo got his cell phone out. Sougo's action almost got his cell phone killed by Hijikata who drew his katana against the piece of gizmo. Sougo had to thank his reflexes which saved his mobile.

"Toushi, I understand that Mitsuba-san is a fine young lady but I guess it is time for you to move on. Tsubasa-san might be overly-energetic compared to Mitsuba-san but she is a great person too." Kondo had a comforting hand on Hijikata's shoulder. "We will support you, Toushi."

The entire Shinsengumi can safely say that if Hijikata is a real oni, it is very likely that the man is a red oni. Sougo smirked upon seeing his reaction. Closet M.

"I approve of Sasa." Sougo gave him a thumbs-up.

The entire room went into a consensus silence with Kondo and Sougo.

"We will support you, Vice-Commander!" they roared.

"That's not the point you idiots!" Hijikata bellowed while banishing the nearest bazooka he is able to get his hands on at the entire group.

"I'm going to send this to Sasa." Sougo smiles at the picture he managed to take of Hijikata's expression when the entire Shinsengumi showed their support.

"ACHOO!"

"Are you fine, Sasa?"

"I think so." The blonde shrugged. Kagura continued chewing on her sukonbu while bringing the newbie around Kabuki Cho.

There were times Tsubasa wished that this is just a really bad dream. Her right rib still hurts when she exerts slightly more strength and she felt unsafe without her swords. The Shinsengumi refused to return her beloved weapons. Sougo is holding onto Black Death and Hijikata has Requiem. Hijikata deliberately made Sougo the keeper of Black Death as the latter is unable to unsheathe the stubborn katana.

Instead of holding onto a real sword, the stupid tax-robbers are making her carry a damn bokutou like the one Gintoki has. Not that she is unable to defend herself with a bokutou but it seems to be too light for her liking.

'Can I even get used to this stupid place?' she wonders while listening to Kagura's rambles about the way of life in Kabuki Cho.

No fights, no excitement, no battles…no…

Damn.

"Leader!"

"Zura! What are you…" Kagura asked, seeing the said man disguised as a dog mascot.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" he corrected as usual, removing the headgear covering his face. A man of around Gintoki's age with long black hair came into view and it made Tsubasa wonder what is going on with this place.

This man looks like a woman. If not for hearing his voice first, Tsubasa might think that he is a woman. Seriously, his hair looks even better than hers; it looks like something people will find in shampoo ads. His fine features are not making things better for people to identify him as a man either and the same goes for his height. He is slightly taller or if not, the same height as Tsubasa.

Katsura was about to start his conversation with Kagura when he noticed the lady behind the Yato girl.

"Who is this blo-" Katsura was being cut short by the lady's left fist which collided into his face with fearsome impact.

"DON'T CALL ME BLONDE, MAN-WHO-LOOKS-LIKE-A-WOMAN!" the lady bellowed at Katsura who is recovering from the ground three meters away from where he stood.

"Leader, is this woman one of your kind?" Katsura managed while wiping blood off from his nose. That punch had knocked out some of Katsura's teeth.

"She's not. She fell from the sky-aru."

Katsura's eyes widens upon hearing this piece of information from Kagura.

"Are you Kaguya-hime?"

"I'M NOT FROM THE MOON DAMNIT*!" she picks up a stone from the ground to aim it at Katsura's face. "I WAS NOT FOUND IN A BAMBOO FOREST AND IT'S NOT A BAMBOO-CUTTER WHO FOUND ME!*"

"Tax-robbers found her." Kagura completed the picture in Katsura's retarded head.

"Shinsengumi? Did they do anything to Ka-"

"Let me say this again, my name is NOT Kaguya-hime. I'm Takizawa Tsubasa." She seized the front of Katsura's costume. The said man saw a black oni behind her when she said her piece and it made him wonder what this person is. Is she a demon or a demon from another planet?

"Yes, Tsubasa-dono." He mumbled, trying to catch a hold of himself.

Seriously, this woman is scary beyond the idiot's comprehension. After letting go of Katsura, the lady proceeded to stare at Elizabeth which had a placard saying 'Please don't kill us'.

"This is…"

"Ah, this is my pet, Elizabeth." The Jouishishi leader introduced the pet to Tsubasa who frowned.

"Hi." The lady managed after reading the placard Elizabeth is holding onto with words 'nice to meet you.'

Talk about the Naruto universe being weird, this place is no better with weirdos communicating using placards. This somehow reminded her of Mana* who communicates to others through another band member of his own.

When the lady was about to talk to Katsura, she sensed an incoming attack from behind and managed to dodge in time before the missile launched hit her. Tsubasa had Kagura in her arms while leaping out of harms' way but that is with a sharp jab of pain in her recovering rib. She had not moved properly from the day she landed in this place. She is not as agile and nimble as she used to be after that one battle against Mika. Not good at all.

She hoped that her human bones will heal as fast as her oni flesh.

'Thanks mum. Thanks for marrying a blonde human.'

Sougo appeared by her side with a Shinsegumi bazooka on his shoulder while looking nonchalant as usual. Kagura who had been in Tsubasa's arms leapt out from her grip and launched herself into the air to aim a flying kick in Sougo's face. Seeing that coming, Sougo manages to dodge while waving to Tsubasa.

"Yo, Sasa."

"Farewell, Leader! Tsubasa-dono!" Katsura yelled while running away from the other Shinsengumi members. Tsubasa was quite confused by what had happened. Did Sougo just attack a man in a mascot costume?

Also, the weirdo Amanto pet is running away from the Shinsengumi officers too.

"Sasa, how did you get to know that man?" Sougo asked while passing the bazooka to another member.

"That's none of your business-aru! Who were you aiming at huh? Were you aiming at me Sadist?!" Kagura screamed and Tsubasa took the time to pop in some painkillers.

"You just happen to be in line with Katsura, China." It is obvious that Sougo is lying.

"Sougo-kun, why are you attacking a random man in mascot costume?"

"Sasa, he is a terrorist." Sougo wondered what had this woman been up to during her stay in the Headquarters. He remembered her sneaking into meeting rooms to eavesdrop on them and to prank on Hijikata. Also, one of the meetings she managed to barge into was on Katsura.

The crazed Yato girl grabs the nearest park bench to hurl it in Sougo's direction. Sougo is no pushover when it comes to fighting Kagura; he had his sword out to slice the incoming bench into two pieces. Tsubasa did not know what happened between them; she is too distracted by Hijikata who happened to be getting off from the patrol car.

She felt guilty for her shameless mind to be drooling all over for Hijikata. She is supposed to be gathering information on Mika but her mind seems to be too distracted by the presence of the Demonic Vice-commander. One of her weaknesses: men in uniforms. Coupled with Hijikata's rugged outlook only made her mind go into 'hentai-onna' overdrive when she sees him in his Shinsengumi uniform.

Hijikata did not seem pleased to see her.

'I don't miss you. Why of all people in the universe YOU have to appear in front of me? You are even scarier than those stalker heroines in Otome games.' He thought when he saw the blonde. The stupid stunt Sougo pulled during meeting had already gotten him into quite a nasty mood and now this person has to appear in front of him looking as if she is not responsible for all of the trouble earlier. All the stupid words of encouragement he gets from his men is starting to get on his nerves. Taking a better look at her, she seems to be doing pretty fine.

"To-"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF YOU DIE IN YOROZUYA!" Hijikata snapped before Tsubasa could finish her sentence.

Hijikata's reaction to Tsubasa made Kagura and Sougo stop in the middle of their fight to gawk at them. Tsubasa seems pretty confused by his outburst but she remained relatively normal in comparison to the troll-faced Kagura and Sougo. It is really a pity that Kagura and Sougo are not an item at the moment; they might make a pretty great couple with that kind of ability.

For the love of god, why can't Sorachi do a single OkiKagu chapter to satisfy the fans?!

"Erm…Toushi…can you get me to the nearest toilet?" She had too much strawberry milk in the morning. All the good old chilled strawberry milk with delicious onigiri. Although she hates to admit this, Gintoki can really cook.

It made her wonder if she should change her gender; the only thing Tsubasa is capable of preparing up till this time had been tonkotsu ramen. Counting out all the instant foods, Tsubasa is only capable of preparing tonkotsu ramen from scratch. From the noodles right up to the stock…but that is pretty much everything she is capable of preparing.

Seeing other girls who are capable of preparing edible food had been a torture to Tsubasa.

One of the reasons for her to remain single in the first place is her inability to cook food other than tonkotsu ramen.

That stupid man who keeps calling her names is capable of cooking food even better than most girls. This alone made Tsubasa guilty.

Hijikata was quite confused until that familiar fart hit his nostrils.

The Vice-Commander drags Tsubasa into the patrol car instantaneously and sped off.

Kagura and Sougo are standing at the same spot, staring into the place where the patrol car had been. Sougo had never seen Hijikata drive this fast for reasons outside of work.

What just happened?

Did the Vice-commander of the Shinsengumi kind of kidnapped Tsubasa?

* * *

*Short-haired version of Hijikata Toshizo from Hakuouki looks like Sebas-chan with violet eyes no? By the way, Tsubasa has violet eyes.

*In the tale of Kaguya Hime, it was a bamboo cutter who found her and she came from the Moon.

*Mana is the lead guitarist of the Visual Kei band Malice Mizer (disbanded as of 2001) and Moi dix Mois. He is well-known to be a fashion icon (he has a fashion brand of his own, Moi-même-Moitié, specializing in Elegant Gothic Lolita and Elegant Gothic Aristocrat fashion) and the fact that he rarely speaks in public.


	8. Chapter 8

'Why am I standing in front of the cubicle that she is taking a dump in?' Hijikata sulked while guarding the door. 'Also, why the hell did she rush into the male toilet when I told her that the female toilet is by the left?' there must be something wrong with this blonde's eyes. Or something is pretty screwed within her mind. When she was living in the Headquarters, he understands why Tsubasa is using the common toilet. The Headquarters is made for men to live in therefore there are no female restrooms.

However, he is wondering if she is doing this because he used to guard the toilet for her when she is bathing. She sure has _a lot of trust _in him. Compared to most of the other members within the Shinsengumi, he might be the only few who is not that hormone-driven.

However, Hijikata wonders if somebody can explain to him what is going on in this woman's mind? There is a choice of using the female restroom yet she dashed into the male restroom while instructing him to guard her while she is taking a dump. It made him wonder if she has a brain.

"Toushi."

"What?"

"Can you get some toilet paper for me? This cubicle is out of toilet paper." The hell; is she recycling the same plot device back in the Yagyu Arc?

"No way."

"Please? I beg of you? Shinji*."

"What Shinji?!"

"Aragaki-senpai*?" He could hear her purring.

"You..."

"Just get me toilet paper before I shoot you with my poop." she snaps. "A pocket watch* cannot save you from this version of Megidolaon*"

"You are too nasty to be Arisato Minako*." Hijikata mumbles under his breath while heading to the other cubicle for toilet paper. Then, hand poked out from underneath the division cubicle by the right of the one Tsubasa's occupying with toilet paper. Tsubasa stared down at the hand but she took the toilet paper anyway.

When the lady got out of her cubicle, she washed her hands before knocking on the door of the cubicle with the stranger who helped her. Hijikata wonders why in the world can a woman act as if it is fine to use the men's restroom and bother to waste her time by insisting on meeting the person who offered her toilet paper. Also, as a Shinsengumi officer, it is his duty to arrest this crazy woman for occupying the wrong restroom and disturbing other users yet he had been standing guard for her. 'And why am I not doing anything to stop her from harassing other men in this restroom?' he wondered while staring at the lady.

He should arrest her for public misconduct. No?

"Erm, thanks for the toilet paper."

"Welcome."

"I'm Takizawa Tsubasa. You are?" seriously, is she intending to make friends in a public restroom?!

"Hattori Zenzou." A man with dark blonde hair and bangs covering half of his face appeared in front of the pair. His physical appearance confused Tsubasa.

"Erm, Zenzou-san…" she asks waving a hand in front of him. "Can you see me?"

Hijikata was surprised by the fact that this man seems pretty fine with the fact that a woman is in a male restroom. Also, she had insulted his sense of style with that dumb question on his hair. Zenzou remained indifferent to her questions while washing his hands; he could sense something different within this random blonde.

"Yeah, I can see you."

"Ehhhh?" she seemed pretty shocked about this piece of news.

Hijikata pulled the lady away from Zenzou when she was about to ask more questions.

By the time Hijikata managed to drag her out of the restroom, the pair is greeted by a troll faced Kagura and Sougo. Seriously, Tsubasa is starting to think that Kagura and Sougo are made for each other. At first she thought Gintoki was related to Sougo as he has the same expression as the latter when torturing Hijikata but after seeing Kagura and Sougo…maybe they are a match made in heaven. Kagura had her pinky in her nose when she is having that troll face.

As a fellow sadist sharing the same hobby of making fun of Hijikata, she can kind of predict what is going on in their minds.

"Thanks for helping out, Aragaki-senpai." She smiles to Hijikata who ignored her.

"Aragaki-san, why aren't you responding? Sasa is being nice to you." Sougo is planning on something.

"Yeah, I'm being nice to someone who saved my ass in the toilet." Tsubasa smiles once more. "Literately."

"ARAGAKI MY ASS! I AM HIJIKATA TOUSHIROU!" he snaps at the pair.

Kagura and Sougo went 'Ohhh…'. Seriously, they make a great couple. This is by far the first time Hijikata had ever seen Sougo working together with Kagura. It is making Hijikata wonder whether he is that hated within the manga to make everyone cooperate to make his life difficult.

"Anyway, what are you guys doing out?"

"I'm bringing Sasa around Kabuki Cho." Kagura replied to Hijikata while tugging on the lady's sleeve. "Aragaki-senpai."

"Oh…we did not have time to show her around properly, neh, Aragaki-san?"

That statement is a lie. After she gets to walk around the Headquarter, most officers brought her out during their day-off. However, Hijikata suspected that they had been bringing her to all the messed-up places. When Hijikata asked whether she knows the way to the theatre, this lady seemed pretty confused and brought him to a theatre which plays porn movies. When asked of what places she had been frequenting with the other officers, Tsubasa told him that she could not remember the names of the places. Also, she informed him that those officers never told her the name of the place they are bringing her to.

However, she did ask him why those Shinsengumi officers like to go to quite unhealthy places during their day-off. He did not know how to explain to the lady.

He hopes that Kagura is going to show her the less messed-up places in Kabuki Cho though.

"See you! Aragaki-senpai!" Kagura and Tsubasa waved to Hijikata before leaving.

"See yo...Wait, did they call me Aragaki again?!"

"Let's return to the dorm, Aragaki-senpai, Kirijo -senpai* might execute* us if we are late."

"STOP ALL THE PERSONA 3 REFERENCES!"

* * *

*Aragaki Shinjiro from Persona 3 is voiced by Nakai Kazuya in the Japanese release of this game, the person who voices Hijikata Toushirou.

*In Persona 3 Portable, a pocket watch is the item which can save Shinjiro from his death in the Female Protagonist Moon Social Link.

*Megidolaon is an attack in Persona which deals Almightly damage to the enemies.

*Arisato Minako, the common name for the Female Protagonist for Persona fandom. Another popular name for her is Hamuko too.

*Kirijo Misturu, one of the characters from Persona 3. A member of SEES which fights Shadows during the Dark Hour.

*Mitsuru's 'Execution' involves freezing people with her ice powers.


	9. Chapter 9

It has been 2 weeks from the day Tsubasa moved into Yorozuya. Gintoki did not really get her to join them in their jobs and the said lady had been disappearing quite frequently to God-knows-where. She is usually found in the futon beside Gintoki's by the next morning most of the time. Well, at least this woman prepares nice tonkotsu ramen for them whenever she is out. Which means that the Yorozuya Trio had been having tonkotsu ramen 3 times a day for almost a week.

Yes, the ramen is nice but having the same dish as dinner for 2 weeks is rather sickening on the taste buds. Gintoki could not seem to taste anything other than ramen in his mouth even when he is having his favorite parfait. Everything simply tastes of tonkotsu. It made him wonder if the Shinsengumi faced similar taste bud disaster when she lived with them in the Headquarters.

He doubt so; those tax-robbers have a functioning canteen to shelter them off from ramen intoxication.

She is the worst kind of homemaker. Now Gintoki knows why she is single. Another reason on top of the lack of curves, lack of proper behavior, lack of a feminine face and too much height for a lady. (Seriously, he heard from Kagura that Tsubasa is around the same height as Zura. This is_ too tall _for a lady; most men around here are not _that tall._)

Upon returning home, the tonkotsu smell invades their nostrils. Kagura seems to be the only person who never gets sick of all the ramen prepared by Tsubasa. Gintoki seemed pretty depressed while distributing the ramen from the pot into their respective bowls; seriously, he is starting to wonder if Tsubasa is really a woman. Even Otae prepares a variety of Dark Matter and this woman is simply ramen, ramen and more ramen. His tongue numbs at the very thought of returning home to eat ramen. He even has nightmares of a ramen monster with a mayonnaise bazooka chasing after his parfait around.

However, there is little that Gintoki can do to this situation; it is still Tsubasa's turn to prepare meals this week. Luckily though, this is the last day she is preparing food for them. They will not be having ramen for another 5weeks or so. There were times Gintoki even had nightmares of ramen; he is starting to sympathize Shinpachi for he is stuck with Dark Matter prepared by Otae and ramen prepared by Tsubasa. The only consolation for Shinpachi is that Tsubasa's ramen is edible and of a certain standard.

However, eating the same damn thing for almost 3 meals a day is sickening to a certain extent too.

Shinpachi proceeds to distribute the ramen Tsubasa made to the other 2; Gintoki did not look happy about it though. In fact, Kagura is the only person who seems to be happy with all the ramen nonsense. Shinpachi did not want to admit this but he is too, getting quite sick of ramen that when he passes by a ramen store during work, he will feel nauseous.

Kagura's eyes were twinkling like stars when Shinpachi settled the biggest bowl of ramen in front of her. They suspect that this Yato girl is easily addicted to almost any type of food; starting with sukonbu then to raw egg with rice and now ramen made by Tsubasa. The said lady is nowhere to be found once more; talk about being willing to help out with the work in Yorozuya.

"Shinpachi, I can't take this anymore…" Gintoki sighed while staring down at his share of ramen.

"Gin-san, be grateful that Tsubasa-san is preparing food for us." However, his right hand which is holding onto the chopsticks is shaking.

"Your hand is shaking huh? You are sick of ramen too huh? What makes you think that you can pass on comments like 'be grateful that Tsubasa-san is preparing food for us' when your body language shows that you are sick of ramen too?! Be grateful my ass!" Gintoki told the teen off.

"But I think it is still better than having Dark Matter for a single meal!" Kagura interrupted.

Neither Gintoki nor Shinpachi wanted to start an argument with Kagura over the fact that they cannot take ramen for another meal. They tried and got themselves into more trouble. Gintoki almost broke an arm while trying to tell Kagura that he got sick of Tsubasa's ramen. There were times when Shinpachi tried putting his distaste for having ramen for 3 meals a day but after witnessing what happened to Gintoki, he thinks that it is better for him to keep quiet about it.

Also, just what had Tsubasa been up to these weeks?

Right after Kagura and Shinpachi showed her around Kabuki Cho, Tsubasa started disappearing and leaving ramen in the kitchen everyday. It made Gintoki suspicious of her identity. She might vaguely resemble an Amanto but this does not explain anything. From his observation, this Tsubasa has something else behind her 'over-sensitive blonde' façade. Given Gintoki's life experiences, this woman is up to something which might bring forth trouble to them.

After getting over the lack of curves and manners, Gintoki is suspecting that there is something dangerous behind this woman. Whatever it is, as long as she does not bring trouble to Yorozuya he guess he should be fine by it.

"I'm back!" the said blonde announced.

"Took you long enough, washboard." Gintoki mumbled and a leek found its way on his face followed by a foot on his face. There were times Shinpachi thinks that Tsubasa makes the thought of living with Otae more appealing.

While Gintoki was struggling, he gaped at the up-skirt view of Tsubasa who seems pretty nonchalant about it. She continued talking to Kagura as if she is not stepping on his face with her left foot and that he is looking up at her crotch.

"Tsubasa-san."

"Huh?"

"Gin-san is…" Shinpachi pointed out at the man beneath her.

"What of Gin?"

"He is staring at your…" Shinpachi is getting redder by the minute.

Tsubasa looks down at the silver-haired samurai and heaves a sigh before letting him back on his feet. Odd enough, Gintoki is flushing madly this time while glaring daggers at Tsubasa. This is weird; most of the time, Gintoki would at most have a nosebleed and smile in a perverted way or act as if nothing had happened. For once, Kagura and Shinpachi observed that Gintoki is looking rather embarrassed after looking at a lady up-skirt.

For Tsubasa, she remained rather poker faced for someone who had exposed her underwear.

"What?"

"YOU ARE WEARING MY BOXERS!" Gintoki almost screamed at her.

"Eh? These are yours?" she seemed pretty confused.

"And I thought where all of my fresh boxers went to! You're the one who's been stealing and wearing my precious fresh boxers these 2 weeks! Do you know how UNCOMFORTABLE it is to wear the SAME SMELLY BOXERS for almost THREE DAYS?! It is bad for little Gintoki!"

"Bitch please, other than relieving yourself, there is no other use for your little Gintoki. Oh, and fapping to Ketsuno Ana's figurines." Tsubasa shrugs. "Also, you can flip the worn boxers to the other side and wear it for the second day. It feels as good as new. You can use powder too."

Shinpachi is starting to wonder if Tsubasa is indeed a woman. He had never heard of such sloppy comments coming off from a woman in his life. His sister might have a habit of using vulgar ways to describe things but Tsubasa is to a whole new level. Also, her comment on little Gintoki seems to hurt the silver-haired samurai who looked as if he is going to burst any moment.

"NO OTHER USE FOR MY LITTLE GINTOKI?! Are you that desperate to get laid to the extent of starting a fight with me you boxers-snatching tranny?!"

"Oh? Are you that desperate to get into my pants that you are making up a legitimate reason by calling me a tranny, box-driver?!"

"Stop it now both of you!" The only way to stop these two is to let them have a co-op attack on someone else. Since Kagura is too engrossed in ramen at the moment, Shinpachi will have to subject himself to the verbal abuse of these two.

Which is not the nicest experience for anybody.

Gintoki and Tsubasa turn their attention from each other to the bespectacled boy who is trembling slightly. Both of them wanted to say something but at the sight of poor Shinpachi, they might as well end the argument. Both of them fell back on the couch and kept quiet. Quite an unexpected turn of events.

For the next twenty minutes, other than the sound of Kagura slurping on her ramen, the room remained relatively silent. Gintoki continued glaring at the blonde opposite and vice versa.

"Tsubasa."

"What?"

"Where's the latest issue of Jump?" Gintoki asks after realizing that the issue on the coffee table had been last week's.

Then, the pair gaped at each other and without further ado, both of them bolted out of the apartment. Shinpachi looked down from the balcony to see Tsubasa hopping onto Gintoki's scooter and the vehicle sped off. He could hear them discussing about the plots of this week's issue of Jump vaguely. He could hear Tsubasa asking Gintoki to remember getting strawberry milk too.

Shinpachi wonders where all the previous animosity went to.

Just the latest issue of Jump and strawberry milk. Seriously, there must be something not right between these two. He did not know whether he should be glad of their Jump addiction or not.


	10. Chapter 10

"Gin-chan."

"Heh?"

"You know, there's something bothering me for quite some time." Tsubasa told her 'boss'.

"Wha?"

"Why the hell are we performing in an Okama Bar?!" the reluctant lady snapped while trying her best to dance to the beat of the music. She might be a capable fighter but there is just something not right within her body when it comes to dancing. She seems to be unable to keep up with the beat of the music.

Always and constantly out of beat.

"Paako, please teach Mary how to dance properly, she is always out of beat." Azumi told Gintoki when they were done.

He thought Tsubasa is capable of dancing from his experiences with her hand-to-hand combat capabilities. However, when putting this blondie on stage with music is a disaster. She seems to lose all ability to coordinate movement of her limbs with the tempo of the background music and started jerking like a robot. He refuses to believe in her initial claim that she is incapable of dancing and dragged her along with Shinpachi and him.

She tripped and fell on her still-healing ribs on stage.

The idiot ended up serving customers who came to the Okama Bar.

"I thought you were Mary-Tsu*? Why can't you behave like one in any other fan fiction and dance so perfectly and gracefully that all the guests at the Okama Bar will fall in love with your charms and for once, earn us big bucks so that we can stop working for at least 5 chapters within this stupid fan fiction? Make your irritable and miserable existence here useful, at least to us, I don't care if the readers don't like Mary-Tsus who save the day but make it a point to make my life easier." Gintoki told the girl off on their way home.

"Hey, my stage name might be Mary-Tsu but not ALL Mary-Tsus have to perform perfectly in all aspects of life. Most Mary-Tsus nowadays are kickass Kami-Mode-Tsus who kick ass in battles. I fall in the Kami-Mode-Tsu* category. And most Kami-Mode-Tsus are not supposed to help useless men like YOU. Kami-Mode-Tsus are here to kick ass and be beautiful while making the 'cannon-emo-and-cool-dude-with-an-equally-troubled-past-as-hers' fall in love with her and have great sex to fulfill both the author and the readers' fantasies!" Tsubasa argued while clutching onto her aching rib.

"You look more like Failure-Obasan-Tsu now, Tsubasa-san." Shinpachi reminded while supporting her. She is in so much pain that she is incapable of moving properly without any form of support. Not that she enjoys being dependent on people (like most Tsus...); of ALL people she is leaning against one of the weakest person in Yorozuya to stand straight. Great. Good job.

"Shinpachi, I would be very happy if you leave out the 'Obasan' in the 'Failure-Obasan-Tsu'." She directed a glare at the bespectacled boy.

Gintoki scoffed at the useless girl who cannot walk properly after a minor trip on stage. Seriously, how in the world is this woman incapable of enduring something this minor? Is this some kind of joke? Given their physical exchanges, he doubted that Tsubasa is incapable of dealing with pain. Some Kami-Mode-Tsu that she claims to be.

For a person who had rarely suffered any injuries from battles in her life, even something seemingly minor like falling on a cracked rib is capable of rendering her incapable of walking properly. This is the sad fact of her life. Most injuries to the flesh heals so fast that she rarely feels pain and anything to the bones is enough to cripple her. She snapped her pinky finger once and the pain was enough to render the 'oh-so-strong' ANBU member unconscious.

This is the hard fact of being a 'Kami-Mode-Tsu'. Almost the slightest of pain dealt to the bones can render her incapable of thinking straight so she makes sure that her bones are not hurt during any fight. This means that she will have to be extremely fast in battle.

For someone like Gintoki who is in constant abuse by various female characters on almost a daily basis will not understand her pain. He must be so used to getting his bones broken that she doubts if he will ever feel pain when he gets his legs broken.

He will never be able to understand how much pain she is going through at this moment. Also, she swears that she could feel another crack on her ribs. She seriously wants to kill Gintoki for his lack of understanding for her situation.

"We're not Prinnies either. What's with all the names ending with 'tsu'?" Gintoki told them.

"Well, I just happen to want to break the fourth wall by having a good pun using 'Mary-Tsu'. It's not intended to be a double with the Disgea reference; just happens that my name begins with a 'Tsu' and it sounds nice when combined with Mary. Happy now, Kintoki?"

"Call me Kintoki one more time and I'll send you flying to Mt Ashigara*." Gintoki snapped.

"Missed your hometown?"

"Oh? You demon child of Tackey & Tsubasa*."

"HEY! I'M NOT RELATED TO THEM! MY OLD MAN IS NOT NAMED HIDEAKI*!"

Seriously, Shinpachi wished that these two can give his ears a break.

"Gin-san, Tsubasa-san, can both of you give it a rest?"

"NO!" both yelled.

"Stupid tenpaa!"

"Blonde self-insert!"

"Electron dick!"

"Attention whore!"

"Forever Alone tenpaa!"

"Black Hole Sue!"

Shinpachi wonders why in the first place he ever bothered stopping them. It seems to him that this is the way Gintoki communicates with Tsubasa. There is no way these two can ever remain calm in a conversation for long. Tsubasa is too sensitive and Gintoki is the kind of person who finds faults in people really fast and start poking all of it hard. Given the usual Mary-Tsu personality, there is no way Tsubasa is going to give up on a verbal exchange against Gintoki to 'prove him wrong'. The only thing is, their arguments almost never have a conclusion; their fights ends with a draw mostly.

* * *

*Mary-Tsu sounds like 'Mary-Sue' no?

*Kami-Mode-Tsu: God Mode Sue.

*Mt Ashigara, the place where Sakata No Kintoki used to live with the Yama-uba until Minamoto No Yorimitsu rescued him.

*Tackey & Tsubasa, a boyband made up of Takizawa Hideaki (Tackey) and Imai Tsubasa by Johnny & Associates. Tsubasa's full name is 'Takizawa Tsubasa', a combination of Hideaki's family name (Takizawa) and Imai Tsubasa's given name (Tsubasa).

*Takizawa Hideaki...Takizawa Tsubasa...well, self-explanatory.


	11. Chapter 11

Takasugi looked down upon the lady who had interrupted a pretty important Kiheitai bombing operation by crashing down on them around a month ago. He wanted to kill her initially but ditched the idea after taking a better look at the unconscious woman.

His Kaguya-hime.

He is not planning to let her leave him. Not everybody within the Kiheitai welcomed her presence; Makoto is one of those who did not want another woman within the Kiheitai. Bansai is nonchalant as usual and as for Henpeita…well, he seems to take little interest for the lady.

Perhaps she is too old for the Lolicon's liking.

From the extent of her injuries, Takasugi concluded that this lady is no fair princess; most of her wounds would have killed a normal person and there she is recovering. These are no ordinary wounds found in a normal cat fight; Takasugi doubted if anyone within the Kiheitai had ever gone through a battle as intense.

Makoto initially thought that this lady was being outnumbered within her battle but upon closer inspection, the mysterious beauty's wounds seem to be dealt by the same person.

'Where am I?'

Well, definitely not back home. The bed sheets did not feel the same as those found back home. After cracking her left eye open, Mika is extremely sure that she is not back in Sunagakure. She did not remember her room filled with posters and drawings of this weird man who has a bandaged left eye. She could vaguely read 'I love you, Shinsuke-sama' on some of those drawings.

The person occupying this room needs a doctor.

Although her body hurts, she manages to sit up from the bed to take a better look at the surroundings.

'What happened? Where am I and who brought me here?' she struggled to sit up straight with her head and body heavy from medication. She is being removed of her kunai holster, pouch, and sword and most important of all, her Sunagakure forehead protector.

Did the battle against Tsubasa destroy her treasure?

'I need to find it fast.' Mika's fear overcame her logic and tore her still-recovering body off the bed.

Reality hit her hard.

Makoto and Bansai happened to be nearby and both of them hear a loud crash coming off from her room. Bansai rushed into the room almost instantaneously. Makoto made a face before following the fellow Kiheitai member. Seriously, the unconscious lady they had picked up during the bombing mission is causing Takasugi and Bansai to overreact. Not good.

Upon entering her room, Makoto found Bansai helping the lady back up to her bed. The stupid woman had crashed into her vanity table. It is really difficult to get skincare when you are traveling with a bunch of men who are constantly plotting to destroy the world. Of all the tables that she could have crashed into, she chose the most precious one within her room: MAKOTO'S. VANITY. TABLE.

"Where am I?" she whimpered after Bansai touched the still-healing wound on her left arm. "Sir, would you mind removing your headphones?" the lady requested. She could hear the songs Bansai is listening to.

"My apologies." Bansai pulled off his headphones immediately.

Makoto stood gaping at the man. Bansai? Did her eyes played some sort of trick on her? Bansai removed his headphones upon this stranger's request?! The end of the world is near. There is something seriously not right with this woman.

Takasgui visits her every evening. Without fail.

Bansai removed his priced headphones for her.

What's next? The shogun retiring?

"Thank you."

After settling the lady down on the bed, Bansai informed Makoto that he is going to inform Takasugi of Mika's current status. Makoto did not like this woman.

"Hi." Mika could sense the lady in pink does not like her presence. Mika did not really like her either; the blonde hair reminds her of someone. "Excuse me; may I know where I am?"

"You're in my room."

"I see. And erm, may I know…" Makoto exhales sharply. Did this woman hurt her head or something?

"You are aboard Kiheitai's airship. We are heading to Earth for some business."

Did this girl in pink mention 'airship' and 'Earth'? Also, what in the world is 'Kiheitai'? Mika did not remember hearing anything about the existence of this 'Kiheitai' she speaks of. Also, this girl is pretty rude. She did not bother introducing herself to the Kazekage. Mika is sure that her status as the current Kazekage is enough to earn some respect from this blondie but no, she is treating her in the way similar to how a teenager treats her love rival.

She did not remember anything about 'airship' and 'Earth' back there.

Does this mean that…

"Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Takashima Mika, the temporary Rokudaime Kazekage of Sunagakure."

The girl seems pretty amused. Also, from the way she looks at Mika, the latter can safely say that she is really far from home. Like, seriously far from home.

Not far. She can conclude with her intelligent mind that she is not at home.

"Might as well tell me that you are Nakashima Mika. I'm the Red Bullet of Kiheitai, Kijima Makoto."

"Kijima-san, kindly advise me where I am at the moment?"

"Woman, did you get thrown off from some other planet while doing your cosplaying event? Sunagakure, Kazekage. Seriously, might as well go off and start a GaaraXOC fanfiction." Makoto sneered while pulling out Mika's Sunagakure forehead protector from a drawer. "I assume that this belongs to you, no?"

"Yes, it's mine. Thanks." she has to get more information from Makoto. "Kijima-san…"

"Well, we are returning to Edo."

"Edo?" she was confused. Isn't Edo used to describe Japan during that time period?

"Well, the Land of Samurai. There was a long time ago, when our country was called by that name. With the arrival of the 'Amanto' from outer space and sword ban twenty years ago, the samurai class fell into decline. At such hard times, there is a gorgeous man left with the spirit of samurai who wishes to destroy this rotten and corrupted world. His name is Takasugi Shinsuke. Bansai, aka Tsunpo, Takechi Henpeita, the lolicon and me happens to be inspired by Shinsuke-sama and we are under the Kiheitai, working towards Shinsuke-sama's ideal. Ah, Shinsuke-sama…."

'And she went into fangirl mode over the leader of this…terrorist organization? What was that? That sounded like some introductory speech in the first episode of an anime. Amanto? This sounds like the Japanese version of 'Cowboy VS Aliens'. With more drama.' Mika thought while gawking at Makoto who is in her fangirl mode. 'Did she mention 'cosplay' and 'fanfiction'? My life, my pain and battles now are nothing short of a random trashy storyline for a mangaka? Did my esteemed status as the Rokudaime Kazekage gets reduced to nothing but a worthless fragment of a random 15year-old's ridiculous fantasy by this blonde?' Mika felt really lousy.

All the hard work, all the injuries sustained through her entire life. Reduced and ridiculed by a random blonde. Being belittled is something which Mika seemed to be quite used to during her life in Sunagakure but being ridiculed by someone of this girl's level…

Is not that tolerable.

When she was about to clarify more information with Makoto, a man who Mika recognized to be 'Shinsuke-sama' Makoto had been crazy over entered.

To be honest, Mika sees nothing worth of Makoto's fanfare over this 'Shinsuke-sama' from the pictures of the person plastered all over the room. That is until the said man enters the room. Now she is starting to understand why Makoto is crazy over this man.

He has this presence within the room which Mika is unable to pin down at the moment. He might not be the tallest but his height did not limit this indescribable presence he has. There seems to be this magnetic quality within him which draws Mika's mind to him. Her instincts told her that this man is not some random bad boy; he is the real deal. Really dangerous and he might kill anyone on whim but that magnetic quality coming off him is drawing her in.

The only few words which came to Mika's mind on Takasugi at the moment would be devilishly handsome.

"I see, Kaguya-hime has awakened." His smile is drawing her nearer.

"Shinsuke-sama, her name is Takashima Mika."

He paid no heed to Makoto to stare at Mika. This is not good for the heart of the lady who is recovering from her battle wounds. There is a monster behind that eye. Definitely a monster. His grin seems maniacal but in a way which does not scare off women. It only serves to make him more attractive.

"Welcome aboard, Mika. Welcome to my journey to destroy everything."

And she thought the only person who can combine 'psycho' with 'attractive' seamlessly is Gaara. She is very wrong. Takasugi Shinsuke took it to another level in comparison to Gaara. Ah, women and their love for broken men.


	12. Chapter 12

Around one and a half months had passed from the day Tsubasa started staying in Yorozuya. She had been slacking when it comes to her ninja training. The stupid rib is not healing the way it should, making it less possible for her to start training. The physiotherapy is not really working for her; the ribs just hurts like a bitch and she has to take painkillers as if they are candy.

She had gotten really weak after falling into this screwed dimension. There are no doctors around Edo who is as good as the medic ninjas found within Konoha.

Gintoki is too lazy to spar with her, Shinpachi does not make an adequate sparring partner and Kagura is an on-and-off person. The Shinsengumi friends did not want to spar with her as it is sort of against most of their principles to fight against a woman. Sougo is lazy and Hijikata is always hiding from her. Also, nobody wants to spar against a person with a recovering rib injury.

Most people around Kabuki Cho knows Tsubasa as 'the new Yorozuya member' by now and it is not something which the lady finds flattering. Gintoki always owes people sake money and that is not something which she wants to be associated with. Her 'boss' needs to manage his life. She had never seen a man in his twenties living with zero in his bank balance. He is constantly behind his rent and there were times Tsubasa had to fork out her pocket money to cover Gintoki's rent.

He is not even her best friend.

She is paying for her 'boss's' rent.

Atrocious.

At least she remembered that there is no need for her to pay rent or anything back in her days in Konoha. Lodgings is being provided by the Hokage for ANBU members. However, the ANBU members have very little days off in comparison to regular Jounins. Sometimes Tsubasa did not get any days off for a whole month. Tsunade seems to have the habit of pushing selected ANBU members to their limits and she happens to be one of them.

At least she gets paid. Not like...

'This really sucks.' she thought, repairing the roof. She hates life here. She is an ANBU member, why in the world is she stuck here chasing cats, serving dirty old men in an okama bar and treated like rubbish? And now, she is repairing the freaking roof.

'Fuck. My. Life.' she thought grumpily. 'Unless I'm getting laid, I don't see the reason for me to to stay here any longer. This is a waste of my youth. I need to find a way home. Fast.'

"Sasa."

"Hn?"

"Why are you looking so annoyed when we are working?" Kagura regarded her with her brilliant blue eyes. True, Kagura is somewhat a friend which Tsubasa had been looking forward to in her life

Due to the nature of her position as an ANBU member, it kind of forbids her to form friendships within the group. There is no telling to whether a partner during any one mission might become your enemy. The missions they take up are not for the faint hearted and sometimes they have to be prepared to kill their partner in a mission to protect the secrets of the village. Other than a small group of Jounin friends and her, Tsubasa had almost no real friends.

Kagura is one of those people who are not that scary in comparison to those back home. In fact, there are not much people around here who are capable of threatening her life at the moment. Perhaps this is a chance for her to learn to relax. Is this some sort of a cheap holiday for her?

Thinking of this made her smile and shrug before continuing on with her work.

"Sasa, why are you so tensed everytime?" Kagura asks after they were done with work.

"Am I? Perhaps this is a habit of mine."

"Habit? What kind of weird habit is that?" Gintoki interrupted.

"You've been eavesdropping on us didn't you?" Tsubasa hates it when people do this.

"I wasn't. You guys were too loud." The silver-haired samurai shrugs and Tsubasa proceeded to punch him in the face. Gintoki manages to dodge her punch to look at her in the eye.

"You better not piss me off."

"Like a person with a set of still-healing right ribs is capable of threatening me." Gintoki told her.

Deep down, he is aware that she is capable of snapping his head off his neck.

Shinpachi is ready to break them up if they start squabbling once more. When these two are at it, there is no stopping till one of them is distracted by something. Most of the time it is a copy of Jump which saves the place from destruction. Gintoki and Tsubasa once got into a physical fight and it was really scary. They were lucky that they started fighting in a park with little things to wreck. Also, very little things which they could pay.

Also, Gintoki seems to have taken a weird liking to irritating Tsubasa.

And this is mutual.

"Gin-san, Tsubasa-san, please cut it out! Both of you are way too old to fight over such matters!"

"Did you say. Old?" the lady turns to Shinpachi looking scarier than ever.

He had touched a nerve.

"Tsu-tsu-tsubasa-san, I'm.."

"Well, not that I care about that!" she smiles to Shinpachi brightly.

'She's not angry at all?' Gintoki and Shinpachi gapes at Tsubasa who is preoccupied with talking to Kagura. Both of them though t they were about to suffer a fate worse than death when Shinpachi said 'old' but she simply shrugs it off. And why is Gintoki's comment more offending than Shinpachi's? Her reactions shocks them at times. There must be something not right with her brain.

When the group passed by a shop selling CDs, Shinpachi and Tsubasa stopped in their tracks instantaneously. It is quite normal for Shinpachi to stop in front of shops like these; he is, after all, the leader of Terakado Tsu's Imperial Guards, it is not abnormal of him to linger around shops like these. Especially when it is playing Otsu's songs. However, Gintoki and Kagura did not remember Tsubasa showing any interest in any idols. Well that is until now.

She practically went crazy in the shop.

"SAMUI GAKUTO*!" she practically went into a fangirl fit in front of the said celebrity's poster.

"Samui? (cold in Japanese)" Gintoki seemed pretty confused.

"Samui Gakuto is the renowned 'Prince of Jrock-aru!" Kagura informed the confused Gintoki. What in the world were these two doing whenever they head out for snacks? What kind of stupid things did Tsubasa teach Kagura this time?

"Samui? Seriously? He could've called himself 'KAmui Gakuto' neh?"

"It's a violation of the site's regulations so we have to use Samui." Kagura told Gintoki.

The sight of Tsubasa going into a fangirl fit seems pretty funny though. She is no different from Shinpachi who is rocking to Otsu's song. There were times he wished that he is surrounded by more normal women. Be it with physical appearance or personality, this one had deviated far from his expectations. Also, for once, Gintoki thought that he saw the blonde capable of doing something close to dancing while listening to the displays of Samui's songs. (It looked more like seizures but better than the one she attempted at the Okama bar)

She. Is. A. Crazy. Bitch.

Nothing lesser than a crazy bitch. Now she is in her own world while listening to Samui Gakuto's latest single on the display. She looks no different from Shinpachi. It made Gintoki wonder if she is going to be forever alone like Shinpachi. Both lost in their own world, both as irritating.

"Gakuto-sama is going to have a concert next Saturday. I..."

"No. We have a job on that day." He cuts her short.

"WHAT?! HOW COULD YOU DEPRIVE ME OF MY SAMUI GAKUTO TIME?!"

"Have you forgotten that we are supposed to start on this job from Thursday? It's a rather big one; they've booked us from Thursday to Monday."

"NOOOO! NOT MY CONCERT! YOU DEVIL SPAWN! YOU FOUL TENPAA!" she starts to howl. In the middle of the streets of Kabuki Cho. No joke. Gintoki had a hard time grabbing her by the neck and shutting her up with a hand tightly clasped over her mouth. He is fighting against the very urge to suffocate her in the middle of the streets for the stupid fanfare.

"Anyway, if you have the money to spend on lame stuff like concerts, why not try making more of it from the casino?" Gintoki told her, digging his nose.

"I happen to dislike gambling."

"It's not GAMBLING, it's INVESTMENT." Women.

Tsubasa shrugs upon his reaction. That is what almost 90% of gamblers say. The Godaime Hokage is one of those. Also, somehow it is always the people who suck in gambling suffer some kind of chronic addiction to it. Gintoki happens to suck in gambling most of the time too.

Men.

She wished that he had kept his gambling habit in check so that there will be no need for her to use her precious pay to pay for his rent to Otose. If only he kept it in check, she would have gotten VIP tickets to Samui Gakuto's concert on Saturday in advance. Also, she heard that another one of her favorite boy bands will be in town on Sunday too. Too late now. It used to 'Samui Gakuto' or the boy band but now, it is just work-and-work.

She recalled Gintoki talking to her about job next Thursday; it is some sort of security personnel for a hot shot. She had no idea who they are protecting at the moment but whatever it is, it is not making her happy either way. Sure, the pay is the highest of all the jobs she had come across in Yorozuya at the time being but the thought of missing her chance to catch Samui Gakuto in action saddens her so much that even a billion yen is unable to cheer her up by a little.

Sensing her unhappiness, Kagura offers her precious sukonbu to Tsubasa who accepted it out because she did not want to spoil the little one's day.

"Don't worry Sasa, we will meet Samui Rakupo one day."

"Kagura-chan, not Samui Rakupo, it's Samui GAkuTO." she did a face palm.

* * *

*Samui Gakuto: Replace the 'S' with a 'C'; take out the 'u' and the 'o'. Ta-daaa~! Camui Gackt! XD


	13. Chapter 13

It took Mika some time before she is capable of moving without support. Used to the pain from her fights, she has little problems with recovery. Makoto and her shares the same room on board of the Kiheitai airship and the fact that her presence is making Makoto less special within the group is not helping with her life at Kiheitai at all. This especially applies when she is alone in the room with Makoto.

The girl simply throws her those looks which are screaming 'DIE YOU BITCH!' when they are alone. Mika had been trying her best to ignore Makoto and to get closer to the other members of the Kiheitai in the hopes of getting a room of her own. This is not that difficult; she has little problems with getting to know people.

Despite being a terrorist group, Mika found the members of Kiheitai relatively easy to get along with. She assumes that this is due to the fact that most members aboard the ship lacked female company. Or lacks a lady who treats them right. The seemingly unfriendly and odd Bansai talks to her frequently about this 'rhythm' of her soul. Henpeita seems to have taken an interest in comparing her with Makoto and the comparison is not making her life any better.

For the great leader of Kiheitai, he spends most of his time alone in his room.

For most of the time, he ignores the stunts Henpeita and Makoto pulls and simply has his gaze fixed upon the space in front of him. It intrigues and, to a certain extent, scares Mika a little. Having met people from all walks of life previously, she could say that Takasugi is some sort of a psycho. An extremely attractive one. She is trying to keep a distance from the man, no more 'I'm going to fall hopelessly in love with a psycho' crap. Not until she is done with that one battle against Tsubasa.

"Nakashima-san*."

"I'm sorry, Kawakami-san, it's Takashima." almost everybody calls her 'Nakashima'. She might be Mika but definitely NOT one with as much vocal talent as that Mika. In fact, she is quite the opposite of Nakashima Mika, she cannot seem to sing. Dancing is her forte though.

"My apologies."

"Call me Mika." Bansai might be quite weird with the odd ability to converse with her with those headphones but he is less weird than most people around. At least he is more normal compared to Henpeita.

"You have a soothing and dark melody."

Here he goes. Again.

"Kawakami-san." she smiles to the man in teal.

"It would be excellent if you join us. You have a unique melody; Court music blended with a smooth dark melody like that of a Drow*." she wonders if this is a compliment.

"Kawakami-san, I would like to have some time to consider taking up your offer."

"People call us 'terrorists' but we are merely a group of people fighting for our ideals." he knew what Mika is thinking. "If fighting for one's beliefs and ideals is being a terrorist, then anyone who a fight for his or her own ideals is one. To put it in my terms, we are simply a group of rowdy musicians."

He is kind of right.

"But Kawakami-san, aren't those methods. Kind of extreme?" she remembered Makoto talking about bombing an Amanto Embassy.

"Mika-san, most people are so caught up in their own life, interests and ideas that they fail and refuse to listen to our attempts to build our ideal world peacefully. We have to resort to using force to force them to try hearing what we want to put across. No?"

She knew what he is talking about. She had been a leader, a person fighting for her ideals, yet she was met with vehement opposition. She had never wanted to hurt others but when people fail to listen to her attempts to put her thoughts across, she had decided to take up swords and make them hear her. Loud.

However, it was the very person who shared similar ideals with her who fought against her.

What a hypocrite.

She had been trying to weed out information on Tsubasa during her stay on the ship. Apparently, nobody knows who she is and there were little things she could do at the moment; the Kiheitai is too busy with the preparations for the next meeting with Harusame (Mika thought they were referring to the sword*). If everything goes well, they might be landing on Edo and Mika is sure that she will be able to find out more.

"Kawakami-san. I think I am able to understand what you are trying to put across to me."

"Are you joining us then, Mika-san?"

Mika smiles to him. She is not sure about this. She is not out to destroy the world, she is being forced into this stupid world thanks to her fight against Tsubasa. Perhaps her aim now is to find a way to return to where she came from. Also, to have a conclusion to her one battle against that blonde. Sticking with the Kiheitai is simply a means for her to weed out more information on Tsubasa's whereabouts.

Or is there something else that is making her want to stick to these people?

It is not like they are capable of harming her when she recovers from her injuries. From her observations, perhaps the only few who are capable of hurting her would be Bansai and…the mysterious leader of the Kiheitai, Takasugi Shinsuke. Did she choose to stay here for that mysterious man? This must be some kind of a joke right? She knows that man is a monster no? He is the kind of person who has no qualms in hurting people to achieve his 'I want to destroy the whole world' goal no? Just what the heck went wrong with her?

'No, no more Takasugi. That's just crazy. I must focus.' She thought while on her way down the corridor.

She has more pressing matters like finding a way to return home and to finish her fight against Tsubasa. That one battle cost them a lot; she had never expected her body to be in such a state from a fight against that dumb blonde. It made her wondered what had happened to Tsubasa after she left Konohagakure for training.

She did not expect the usually lazy blonde girl who used to lose in fights against her to be so strong that she is capable of threatening her life.

Takasugi happened to see Mika in deep thought from far and a smile came to his lips.

"Yo, Kaguya-hime." his voice startled Mika who had been in deep thought.

She was so consumed by the thought of how Tsubasa got that strong that she did not notice Takasugi's presence. Goosebumps erupted through her when Takasugi looked down at her eyes. The action of him staring down at her made her retreat to the wall behind her instinctively. It is not good to her. She had almost never felt this way about anyone counting out the one time during the Shinobi War when Madara Uchiha appeared on the battlefield. It must be some kind of joke that a normal (seemingly) person like Takasugi is capable of extracting such a reaction from Mika, a person who had faced countless life-and-death situations.

He is too close for comfort.

So close that he got her back flat against the wall.

"Takasugi-san, please move away." she muttered, fighting the urge to do something to the man.

"Huh? Why would you want me." he inches his head nearer to her left ear. "Away?" he whispers.

This is it.

'You asked for a spanking.' she raises her hand but the man withdrew his head to frown at the hand in mid-slap.

"You are going to slap me?" Takasugi did not seem to be afraid.

He seems amused by her action. For a split second, he saw a monster bursting through the depths of those green eyes but it disappeared as fast as it surfaced. Knowing that Mika is going to hate him if he stays any longer, Takasugi shifts aside to let her off. He had never seen someone who had recovering from extensive injuries run that fast.

* * *

*Nakashima Mika

*Drow, a class of Dark Elves from Dungeons and Dragons.

*Harusame is the name of the sword Amidamaru uses in the anime Shaman King.


	14. Chapter 14

While the Kiheitai is busy with the plans to sabotage the Gorilla Star Embassy, their leader is relatively free comparatively. He is playing his shamisen as usual on one of the couches within the ship. He is used to leaving most of the details to his men; leader only makes the decisions and it is those under him who does the work. Pretty enough for Takasugi at the moment. Bansai and Henpeita will suffice for negotiations most of the time; if the situation warrants his presence, then Takasugi might appear. Well, or if he is interested in taking a part within the operations, why not?

If not, the man is quite contented with lazing around drinking, smoking kiseru and playing shamisen. While planning for destruction.

Harusame's top dogs had been trying to get hold of him. He knew it but he refuses to lower his value by appearing on request. If they want him to pay Harusame a visit, at least send someone over with a formal invite. Or else, talk to Bansai. He could not be bothered with taking orders from any Amanto like those Bakufu dogs. However, rumor has it that one of their young captains* had defeated the fearsome founder of the Seventh Division of Harusame. They are inviting Takasugi over as a guest for the 'celebration' of crowning the said captain as the new Overlord of Yoshiwara.

Well, just this morning (or is it evening? It is really difficult to make out the time when you are traveling in a spaceship) Harusame did send someone over with a formal invite. Their meeting is scheduled to be in three days' time with the Admiral of Harusame. It might be fun to see how stupid those Amanto are.

'And what of Kaguya-hime now?' he wondered, recalling he has an outsider, albeit a beautiful one, aboard. She is a strange creature. Behaving prim and proper yet he could sense ambition beneath her velvet glove. Interesting little creature. He wonders what sort of thoughts and what kind of monster lurks beneath the beautiful exterior and what kind of stories lies beneath the seemingly perfect skin. That skin.

For one, Takasugi knew from that exchange with her that day that she is no pretty princess.

"Knowing that you will leave one day, yet there is nothing keeping me from chasing after your trails. Kaguya-hime." he chuckled, striking another note on his shamisen. "What happened to me?" he laughed again, with another higher note from the instrument in his hands.

'You are more than falling for a pretty face, Takasugi Shinsuke.' he smirked playing random notes on the shamisen. It might be fun to pay Mika a visit.

He found the lady in the cafeteria area alone. She seems to be pretty bored as indicated by her playing with the cup of coffee in front of her. The entire area is empty and she looked like she is waiting for her knight to arrive in avail. Takasugi wasted no time and took the seat opposite hers with the shamisen. His presence shocked the lady as she dropped the stirrer into the cup of coffee while staring at him with her wide green eyes.

This must be some kind of joke; her thoughts at the very moment he appeared had been on him.

"Hi." the man greeted with that usual insane grin, playing a note off his instrument.

"Hello, Takasugi-san." Creepy. This man is creepy.

"Enlighten me on what's going on in your mind, Kaguya-hime?" he asked with his eyes looking somewhere far away. Mika did not know how to react; his presence had disrupted her train of thoughts. She did not know what to say. Not after that stupid little exchange which almost got her into trouble.

Her usually clear mind is thrown into frenzy when he appeared in front of her. She almost thought that she had lost her voice when he talked to her. This is freaking her out. There must be some reason behind this. It is not possible for her to be shocked by the presence of a mere person; not even Naruto in his Sage Mode could have incurred such reaction from her. There is some kind of anxiety mixed with fear and some sort of embarrassment within her whenever he calls her 'Kaguya-hime'.

In fact, she loses her ability to think properly when he is near.

"Takasugi-san, I'm afraid that my name is not Kaguya-hime." she wonders what happened to her. Where did all the guts to slap him the other day went to?

"You are a piece of work you know?" he chuckled, still strumming his shamisen, still not looking at her. She wonders if he needs a doctor.

"I'm afraid that you are a piece of work too, Takasugi-san." Is that all she can say?! Seriously!

For once, he looks at her in the eye.

Then the man breaks into peals of laughter when he saw Mika's expression. She looks as if she is going to faint any moment.

She could feel butterflies in her stomach when Takasugi laughed. She had no idea why he is capable of making her feel this way. This is frustrating to her. This man seems to enjoy making her nervous and push her limits whenever they are alone in a room. This is not the first time. He actually cornered her at one of the ship's corridors and she lost control of herself and almost slaps him in the face. His very presence is making her more uncomfortable as minutes went by. Not good.

"We are not heading back to Earth so soon. We have a meeting with Harusame."

"Takasgui-san, I believe that you should not be giving such information to a person who is not part of Kiheitai. You should be aware of the possible consequences if I happen to be a spy of some sorts." She tells the man, regaining some of her brain functions slowly.

As the leader of Kiheitai, she thinks that he looks really free compared to the rest. Not to mention, slightly off in the head too.

He chuckles once more while strumming his shamisen. This man. Is seriously a piece of work. When Mika was about to drink the poor cup of coffee, Takasugi grabs the cup she is holding to and looks at her up close. Their noses are almost touching. His action did not incur her trained response as a ninja (she used to throw kunais at men who get this close). The lack of distance is making her entire body freeze and she saw something else beneath the monster within his eye.

She sees something broken beneath that monster residing within his eye for a split second.

Insane? At that moment, she does not think so. This man is not as insane as he thought him to be.

"Anybody who boards this ship is mine. Including you, Kaguya-hime." He murmured before leaving.

'That's so hot. Wait, what happened to me?'

Fine. That settles it; Takasugi Shinsuke _is_ _insane. _

* * *

_*_You know who I'm talking about *smirks*_  
_


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: This is my interpretation of the members of the group that I am referencing to. I apologize in advance to the VIPs (those who are in Kpop should know what's coming up later) who are reading these chapters if you think that I portrayed them wrongly. Please keep in mind that this is only a fanfiction and the referencing is for lameshit entertainment purposes. If you get ballistic over this then please skip this chapter and the next few chapters too. It will save your brain. **

**Katajikenai. **

* * *

It is into the wee hours of the morning and Gintoki is having trouble with staying awake while waiting for their client in the secluded section of the transit. Seriously, who the hell takes a flight that touches down at around 4am?! Shinpachi is trying to keep Kagura awake in avail, the Yato had taken over the sofa in the room and she is snoring away. Only Shinpachi and Tsubasa are alert. There were several times Gintoki nodded off to sleep leaning against the blonde's shoulder to have her flick his ear to keep him awake. Who asked him to not get any sleep in the day when he knows that they have a job at this hour?

For once, Gintoki sees Tsubasa differently.

This is a security job and this woman seems serious for the first time. He had no idea if she is interested in jobs like these or she is simply experienced. Or, on drugs to curb with her excessive randomness. For once, he notices that Tsubasa is behaving like an adult.

The silver-haired samurai nods into sleep against the blonde once more and this time, the latter slaps him hard in the face.

"Stay awake you idiot! You're the only person who recognizes the client!" she hissed.

"Hey, who's the boss now? Are you the boss of Yorozuya?! What makes you think that you can smack me like how a mother smacks her kid?!" Gintoki complained while massaging the left cheek which she had hit.

This woman can slap.

"Come on! Let's get serious!*"

"Yeah!* Hito!*"

"Tsubasa-san, you are not Hijikata-san*. That line sounds weird when it's coming off from you and it is out of context." Shinpachi told the lady who do not seem to notice him at all.

"If you want to go blind in the right eye, please tell me directly. I'll fucking stab you hard in your right eye to keep you awake." Tsubasa hisses at him. He could tell that she is not joking when she said this; she looked like she is really going to stab him in the eye and make him the tenpaa version of Date Masamune.

When Gintoki was about to tell her off again, he realizes that the clients had arrived and made his way up to the middle age salary man. Tsubasa was quite confused initially until...

"Oh my god!"

"What is it Tsubasa-san?"

"It's...it's..." she looks as if she is going to drop dead any moment. Shinpachi recognizes this expression; she looks like this when she sees Samui Gakuto.

"Ok, we are to..." Gintoki gapes at the blonde who is in fangirl mode now.

"You are T1OP* right? T1OP from Vig Vang* right?" the blonde asks this man with turquoise hair.

"Yeah, I'm T1OP." he seems pretty shocked by the fact that one of their security personnel is actually a fan. Tsubasa starts hopping on the spot looking as if she had struck lottery.

'Oh shit.' Gintoki and Shinpachi thought together upon witnessing her reaction. They thought that Tsubasa was only into Samui Gakuto but it ends up that the Korean Wave had caught her. Gintoki is starting to worry that she might transform into one of those legendary sasaeng fans*. And risk them getting laid off on the first hour of their job.

They heaved a sigh of relief when the said woman simply bowed to T1OP.

"It's an honor to meet you, T1OP-ssi." she smiles.

"Nice to meet you too." he smiles. For a moment, Gintoki and Shinpachi thought they saw some 'fua-fua' around them. Is this some kind of joke? The 'fua-fua' effect is only used for...

'Oh. My. God.' Gintoki and the rest of the crew did a face palm in union. There must be something wrong with their eyes; who in the world would find a person looking like Tsubasa attractive on first sight? T1OP must be really different. Really really different. He wonders why he is getting a little annoyed by this.

Kagura had finally woken up and she is joining Gintoki and Shinpachi in staring at the 'fua-fua' T1OP and Tsubasa. She seems pretty confused by the group of people who are joining the staring.

It took Tsubasa some time to return to Earth to listen to instructions by the band's manager and Gintoki.

They are hired as private guards of Vig Vang* to ward off the legendary sasaeng fans. There were times the boy band got their dorms broken into, clothing stolen and even their passports stolen. Their job is to make sure no such nonsense happens when they are around for Sunday's live performance. It made Shinpachi wonder why in the world they hired them; it would be better to leave things to the Shinsengumi.

From what Shinpachi and Tsubasa understood from the crew, they did not want to make things difficult for the sasaeng fans too. Most of the sasaeng fans are not of age and they do not wish to incur a criminal record on these fans over such things. Only extreme cases such as ramming cabs into their cars are taken to the police.

Even before Gintoki sorted them out, Tsubasa volunteered to stick with T1OP.

"T1OP-ssi doesn't mind right?" seriously, Gintoki wished that she will smile that sweetly to him. He had never seen her smile this sweetly at all. Not when she is with them. It is like looking at a different person when she is around T1OP.

"I don't. I'll be fine with Tsubasa." He looks at the ever-willing-to-be-by-your-side blonde.

And the 'fua-fua' nonsense once more.

'Wait till you get punched by her. T1OP-SSI.' thought Gintoki and Shinpachi. They doubted if anyone will go 'fua-fua' over her when she starts beating the crap out of them. Or witness her beating the crap out of another person.

Gintoki ended up as Ji-Dragon's* guard; in order to prevent things from going out of control, Tsubasa was assigned to take care of Taeyung* on top of T1OP. Shinpachi was told to be on standby by Daesang* and Kagura to Seungli*. To be honest, Shinpachi and Gintoki are starting to worry for T1OP, Taeyung and Seungli. They have one of the scariest people as their guards against the equally scary sasaeng fans. There will be bodyguards who they had hired from their homeland too; Yorozuya is hired as more or less of an enhancement (they had heard stories of a certain ginpatsu tenpaa samurai, megane and Yato going against Harusame and fought against the previous Overlord of Yoshiwara; any one with that kind of balls should be capable of dealing with sasaeng. Right?)

They were given walkie talkies, rooms just beside the members they are in-charge with and also their schedule. Yorozuya had been given instructions to stop anyone who is not with the crew. However, Shinpachi is starting to wonder who is scarier: Tsubasa and Kagura or the legendary sasaeng fans? They hope that there will not be anyone as scary as them in the sasaeng army. What if there are Yatos in the sasaeng army too? Yatos like that crazy Kamui is going to be tough to handle. Gintoki is starting to regret for taking up this job.

The Koreans are fine people to work with but when he thinks about their job thoroughly...Yorozuya might be sleep-deprived till the day Vig Vang leaves. Great. Trading precious rest for this amount of money is going to suck big time. Getting Kagura out of bed is a nightmare and the thought of it is starting to annoy him.

Also, all the 'fua-fua' moments between T1OP and Tsubasa is annoying Gintoki.

'To a _small extent._'

* * *

*One of Date Masamune's engrish lines in Sengoku Basara Season 2.

*The common reply to Data Masamune's engrish lines from the Date Army.

*Date Masamune is called 'Hito' or something by his men.

*Hijikata Toushirou and Date Masmune are voiced by Nakai Kazuya. (I know that I sound like a broken recorder, please bear with me; this is for the sake of new readers who decided to skip the chapters in between to read the latest chapter.)

*Parody; PARODY of the ever-famous Korean boy band, Big Bang. (I happen to like them too)

*Sasaeng fans, the term used to describe fans who have an obsession of their idols (Kpop idols). They break into their idols' dorms, send used pads (yuck but yes, USED ONES) to their idols, ram cabs into their idols' cars etc. If you can't get the full picture, just imagine them to be Sarutobi Ayame; an entire army of Ayame BUT combined with the intention to do anything to get their idols to look at them bordering murder (at least Gintoki is lucky that she is M).

*All the members of Big Bang are: G-Dragon, TOP, Seungri, Daesung and Taeyang.

NOTE: THIS IS A DAMN PARODY.


	16. Chapter 16

Tsubasa has to admit that when it comes to waking up T1OP, it is indeed a chore. He is such a heavy sleeper that she is tempted to use her ninjutsu to shock him up from dreamland quite literately. Taeyung had been quite scared of her for no real reason; he have yet to witness the 'Kuro-Oni' side of her and he is already on par with Shinpachi and Gintoki who had witnessed her 'Kuro-Oni' level one. Well, at least Taeyung is easier to get out of bed compared to T1OP. She wonders why in the world she became their personal assistant when her job is to keep sasaeng fans at bay.

Whenever she is about to lash out at T1OP, he will start giving her those looks which will make your heart melt. Forget about the difficult to get him off bed part; she feels fulfilled with those looks from him. It makes her wonder why in the world she got so lucky to get such fan service every time she wakes him up.

Seungli is having difficulties with Kagura though; he is the one who has to take care of Kagura and keep her off trouble with the crew. Especially when it comes to food. The little Yato polished off the entire band's packed breakfast and Gintoki had to prepare everything from scratch last minute to get them out of trouble with the crew. Tsubasa could never be more impressed by her boss's culinary skills. Daesang had been manageable for Shinpachi, well, that is counting out his Doraemon obsession which gets onto his nerves slightly.

For the sasaeng fans…

Gintoki could not count the number of crazy stalkers (who he had grown accustomed to striking down thanks to a certain M stalker) he had strike down from the moment they had checked into the hotel. Amongst the numerous stalkers is that one ninja who he had no difficulties in nailing down literately. On Tsubasa's side, it is not better either; she had managed to stopped 5 attempts by some sasaengs to rig Vig Vang's car; 2 attempts by hired ninjas to steal T1OP's underwear; 3 attempts by sasaeng-hired ninjas to sneak spiked food to T1OP and Taeyung and the list goes on. Not to mention, not even a day has passed! Yes! Not even 24 hours!

Shinpachi has lesser trouble to deal with; perhaps it is due to the fact that Gintoki and Tsubasa takes care of most of the major troubles caused by those fans. However, this does not mean that Daesang is free from the scary claws of the sasaeng; Shinpachi was almost hit by a sasaeng taxi while keeping an eye on Daesang and Seungli (yes, Kagura had kind of made the poor maknae into her personal assistant; he was on his way to get some sukonbu for the Queen of Kabuki Cho). Kagura literately threw the sasaeng taxi off to God-knows-where. Nobody, not even the legandary sasaengs, can ever mess with the Queen's precious sukonbu.

"I'm going to die by the time they go to bed." Gintoki mumbled with Kagura leaning against him looking as tired.

"Gin-chan, I though Seungli is going to bring me sukonbu after his dance practice but it's 5hours after his dance practice. I threw the cab away but he hasn't gotten me any sukonbu-aru…" she cried.

"Kagura-chan, you are supposed to protect Seungli-san from the sasaeng fans! Not get him to play nanny to you and expose him to more dangers by getting sukonbu for you!" Shinpachi snaps at the Yato.

"Ah, no wonder Seungli-ssi went aegyo to me. He wanted me to get sukonbu." Tsubasa sighs while trying to pass 3 dozens of sukonbu to Kagura with a load of shopping bags in her hands. One of the requests done. Now for T1OP's anpan. T1OP wanted anpan. No joke, ANPAN.

She almost burst laughing when he told her he wanted 5 anpans. Anpan and he do not seem to agree in Tsubasa's mind. Whenever someone mentions 'anpan' all she could think of is Yamazaki.

"Woah! Seungli's the best-aru!" Kagura laughed after seeing so many sukonbu.

"I'm starting to wonder if Seungli-san is babysitting Kagura-chan or is Kagura-chan protecting him against sasaeng fans." Shinpachi told Tsubasa while watching Kagura on Cloud Nine with the sukonbu in her arms.

"Kagura-chan, you'll have to keep 35 packets of your sukonbu. It's going to affect your work performance if your carry so much sukonbu around with you." Tsubasa told the hyped-up Yato girl. The reason why Seungli is willing to buy her 3 dozens of sukonbu is due to the fact that Kagura had spoilt Ji-Dragon and Daesang's attempt to scare him awake by having a really violent dream.

Kagura threw a sofa at their direction while they were attempting to scare the maknae awake; luckily for them both, Gintoki and Shinpachi reacted quickly and got both men out of the incoming sofa. Tsubasa ended up cleaning the stupid mess Kagura had created in the dressing room with Shinpachi and for some odd reasons; she had to take up errands from each member of Vig Vang. T1OP wanted anpan, Seungli wanted sukonbu, Ji-Dragon wanted Pho (Tsubasa though he wanted a teletubbie plushie initially), Daesang wanted his Doraemon plushie and Taeyung…

He is too scared of her to make a request so she decided to make ramen for him.

While rejoicing over her sukonbu, Kagura's nose caught the smell of Tsubasa's tonkotsu ramen from the air-tight container in her hand and she dived for the container. Luckily for Tsubasa, she dodged the Yato girl by a few inches and broke into a run for the dressing room.

'Seriously, I'm not even the one who caused the mess why do I have to clean up the mess and run errands for everybody? Is this some kind of sick joke?! My job is to protect them from sasaeng fans, not play nanny to them! Why in the world am I…' the grumbling within Tsubasa's mind stops when she saw T1OP. 'Fine. Last time.' She admitted defeat.

Taeyung almost leapt off from his seat when Tsubasa approached him to pass the ramen to him. She wonders why in the world is he that scared of her. Is she that scary-looking?!

"Taeyung-ssi, I made this for you." She told the terrified man while setting the container down on the table. The other 4 members who used to be scattered around the room rushes up to where Taeyung is and crowded around the bowl of ramen Tsubasa made for him.

"Wah…noona made ramen for hyung…" Seungli teased while looking at the ramen.

"Where's my ramen?" T1OP asks immediately.

"I want to exchange my Pho for your ramen." Ji-Dragon started squeezing into the crowd with his Pho.

"Smells awesome." Daesang smiles but Tsubasa could sense horror coming off from beyond the door of the dressing room.

Gintoki and Shinpachi had looks of pure horror over their faces.

The smell of her ramen reminded them of the tonkotsu-intoxication.

"As expected from Kaguya-hime."

"I'm not...wait." she turns around to find the familiar-looking 'man-who-looks-like-a-woman' by Kagura's side. "How the hell did you get here?!"

"All thanks to Leader and a group of enthusiastic teenagers that I was able to hide from the Shinsengumi." Katsura told the confused lady. Ok, but who can explain about Elizabeth?! That mascot is too noticeable and huge for the Korean security to allow them into the premises!

Well, that is until Seungli hopped beside Elizabeth with Daesang and hugged Elizabeth with a child-like smile on their faces.

"Noona, isn't this thing cute? We can bring him up on stage for our performance with DJ Ozura!" Seungli smiles to the confused Tsubasa.

"And get yourselves ARRESTED FOR WELCOMING A JOUISHISHI ON STAGE AND SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR MUSIC CAREERS!" She screams. "Katsura, did a bunch of sasaengs help you in?!"

"Not Katsura, it's DJ Ozura-yo~!" he starts doing this stupid posing like those B-boys.

Kagura had, by this time, fought off Taeyung and Ji-Dragon and starts slurping the ramen Tsubasa had prepared for Taeyung.

Oh great; sasaengs and a Joui leader.

'Fuck. My. Life.' Gintoki and Tsubasa thought while watching the mess in front of them.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:**

**This is a parody. Forgive me if the Katsurap or Ji-Dragon and T1OP's rap sounds off. I am no song/rap writer. **

**This is going to be a long long long chapter.  
**

* * *

"Wait, what do you mean by letting DJ Ozura join our performance?" Ji-Dragon asks Daesang and the enthusiastic Seungli. Finally, someone with some sense!

Tsubasa is racking her brains with Gintoki and Shinpachi on how to hide Katsura from the Shinsengumi. They are bound to find Katsura and they did not want to get Vig Vang into any trouble, especially with the Shinsengumi. However, Katsura does not seem to have any intention in leaving. Not when there is free food and lodging.

Also, Daesang and Seungli seem to have taken a liking for the Joui leader and his strange Amanto pet. Gintoki is trying to hide Katsura from the cameras to get Vig Vang away from trouble that this 'DJ Ozura' might bring.

"Ok, we shall have a vote. Those who want DJ Ozura to perform raise your hands." Ji-Dragon told his band members. Daesang and Seungli raised their hands while Taeyung seemed pretty lost. "Ok, those who do not want DJ Ozura to perform please raise hands." Ji-Dragon raised his hand with T1OP.

Everybody's eyes were on Taeyung. Including the Yorozuya.

"I just think that it is unfair to him if we do not let him have a chance to showcase his talents." Taeyung shrugs.

Talent? Other than things which involve being stupid, swordsmanship and bombs, Gintoki did not remember his old friend having any talent that can land him on the same stage as Vig Vang. This is a Jouishishi, there is no way this other idiot is capable of performing properly.

Katsura smirks to the band and prepares his radio. (It kind of made Vig Vang think that this man needs some serious updating)

"Behold my Katsurap yo!"

Rap? Seriously? Is he going to seriously rap in front of JI-DRAGON and T1OP?! This is going to be a real bad Katsurap trashing session. There is no way he can ever win those pro-rappers. Gintoki could tell that Ji-Dragon is going to skin Katsura in this one rap battle. Alive.

Gintoki and Shinpachi did a face-palm together after seeing this. Elizabeth had a cap to match with Katsura's and both of them started grooving to the beat of the music blaring from those old school speakers of DJ Ozura's old school (or ancient) radio. Tsubasa is wondering if he has some sort of a dimension ninjustsu that allows him to keep his stupid costumes and props. She did not remember him carrying this freaking old-looking radio.

Kagura is on the chair, chewing on her sukonbu while Seungli fans her. Seriously, Kpop is Korean Pop, not Katsura Pop.

Ji-Dragon and T1OP seems have this 'come get me if you can' look on their faces while watching Katsura prepare. This is going to be real bad.

'Gin-san, what to do now?'

'No choice, got to let Zura try his best yo!'

'Not Zura, it's DJ Ozura-yo!'

'Get out of here now Zura, this is Yorozuya's mental discussion!' Tsubasa glares.

'Not Zura, it's DJ Ozura-yo!'

'Ozura-ssi, are you ready? We have a dance practice in an hour time and Ji-Dragon needs to do his hair.'

'T1OP-ssi!'

'Yeah, I need some intensive hair treatment before the concert. Been bleaching and dyeing my hair too much lately.'

'Ji-Dragon-ssi!'

'I like your hair, Tsubasa-san.'

'NO! NOT YOU TOO, DAESANG-SSI!' The blonde gaped at Daesang.

'Sasa, you left me out!'

'Sorry, Kagura-chan.'

'How can my hyungs leave their maknae out too!'

'Gin-san, this is not a Yorozuya mental discussion. This is a freaking three-way conference!'

'GUYS, JUST START TALKING! VERBALLY! OR I'LL BURST YOUR MANBERRIES!'

All the guys paled upon this statement and stares at Tsubasa who looked constipated.

'But I have yet to state anything...I'm part of Vig Vang...'

'You want me to break yours first, hyung*?' Tsubasa directed a glare to Taeyung.

'Sasa's the best!' Kagura smirks.

"Alright! Here we go!" Katsura coughs. Finally! No more mental conferences!

"Now it's the time to act!"

"Zura!" Daesang, Seungli and Kagura chants in outfits matching to Katsura's.

"Now it's the time to act!"

"Zura!" the trio chanted

"Gin-san, his rap hasn't changed from episode 88." Shinpachi told the man who looked as if he wants to find a hole and hide any moment.

"It's just...getting more K*." Tsubasa told Shinpachi.

"We are here for all the food and the free lodging for JOY is for Joui and Joui is for JOY! Everything that makes JOY IN JOUI ZURA IS JOY-IN JOUI!"

"He didn't even bother covering his identity or his intentions." Shinpachi, out of respect for Vig Vang, is not going to kick Katsura hard in his face.

"DA FREE FOOD!" Kagura chants.

"O-ZURA!" Daesang and Seungli followed up.

"DA FREE LODGING!"

"OH! ZURA!" the pair cheered.

"Not Zura, my name is Katsura. I might look like a woman but I am a man, a man of men, a pauper of paupers, and a samurai of pauper samurais! Better than those weird people encouraging rotten ideals! Better than those who sing of nonsense like that XX that got censored*! Much better than those who almost got their album censored*!"

"OZURA!"

"OH WHAT'S MY NAME?"

"OH MY GOD. KATSURA!" the three cheered.

"Did Daesang and Seungli noticed that Zura had tsukkomi-ed their Leader's album?" Shinpachi and Tsubasa asked.

Ji-Dragon was looking really pissed and...Is there a hint of him being impressed by Katsura's insult on his latest album? What? T1OP looked as if he will drop dead any moment from trying to stifle his laughter.

"Yes, it's KATSURA! My name is more well-known in the whole of Edo. My name is the one for officers to go mad. My name is going to scare the *beep* out of the *beep* of those *beep*. And my *beep* is more well-used than your *beep*."

"Well used than his *beep*?" Tsubasa got confused. Were the *beeps* added on purpose as a part of his rap?

Well. Ji-Dragon looks really impressed. Somehow.

"KATSURA'S *B-"

"KAGURA-CHAN! NO *BEEP* FROM YOUR MOUTH! YOU'RE A CANON HEROINE! YOU HAVE AN IMAGE TO KEEP UP TO!" Shinpachi had lost it and dives to pull the curtains over Kagura.

Daesang and Seungli paused in the middle of their *beeps* to stare at their managers.

No *beeps* from Vig Vang. Except for the *beep* masters Ji-Dragon and T1OP*.

Fine. No *beeps*.

"KATSURA'S *BOOP*!"

"Yeah! My *boops* and *beeps* makes more sense the the corn shit yelling *beep* or the *beep* who tries too hard to be *boop*. They can eat *beep* and *boop* and *bpooooh* for I don't give a *beep* *boop* *baaap* because this is Kpop. Not Korean Pop but Katsura Pop! I am the pinnacle of Katsu Pop! Master of the *beeps* *boops* *baaps* and *bpoooohs*"

"LEAVE OTSUU-CHAN OUT OF THIS YOU *BPOOOH*!"

"Katsura Pop yo! The *beep* *boop* *baap* and *bpoooh* yo yo yo! To the *beep* with censorship ho ho!" Gintoki started rapping by his Katsura's side.

"Are you serious?" Tsubasa asks, doing a face-palm.

"Why so serious?*" T1OP smiles to her.

'Why so hot?'

"So you think you are the King of Kpop? Ha! That's just too simple of you! What is Katsura Pop? What of your Katsurap? It is nothing worth more than 50 Korean won!" Ji-Dragon countered.

"Speaking of your *beeps* I think it is no more than a bunch of nonsense strung together in a desperate attempt to scare amateurs. For me Ji and a D has no fear or whatsoever for those censors or crap. For me, a Ji and a D has only my creativity to fight off your senseless *beeps*!"

To be honest, he was impressed by Katsura who fully utilized all the censor sounds to create a rap. He had never thought of that. All the censors made his rap more colorful and interesting than most usual raps.

"Rotten ideals you say? What about your Joui ideals? I nay say! Yeah yeah hey!"

"Ok, Ji-Dragon's rap is getting off. Somehow." Tsubasa frowns.

"I think we are going to be late if we continue." T1OP told Ji-Dragon. This man is infamous for taking a long time to fix his damn hair.

"Hurry up and listen to your mint top T1OP and get out of here!"

"Sorry to interrupt your Katsurap yo, I'm a T, a 1 and an OP. If you can't get it, return to your school if you've not been to school then get down and clean my shoes."

'Clean your shoes?' Ji-Dragon and Tsubasa gaped at T1OP. Who was the one who wanted to leave for dance practice?

"Your rap's a mess and your style's a mess, your ideals are old like an old Famicon. This is an era where people play Owee*, go get a game mag while eating maggie mee*!" T1OP rapped.

'Maggie mee? Oh. I forgot that they had a concert in Singapore*.' Tsubasa recalled.

"Oh my, did you not listen? I am a pauper samurai so the mee* is out of question. Let me give you some information to up your lack of attention. I am more educated than the whole of YJ, I can beat the crap out of JD and you as fast as you can say your company name. YJ* will be the first on my list when I am the King and you, T1OP-ssi, will clean my penguin."

Elizabeth raised a placard with 'clean me! T1OP-SSI!' and they did not know whether to laugh or cry. Well, Tsubasa pretty much wished that if Katsura ever manages to overthrow the Shogun and he is going to honor what he said, she wants to be a penguin. To be Katsura's penguin.

And everything is not making any sense!

"OH ZURA!" Gintoki is the one chanting this time.

"Not Zura, it's DJ Ozura-yo!"

"Ok. Stop. I'm going to have nightmares over this."

"HOW CAN I LET HIM OFF WHEN HE HAD INSULTED OTSUU-CHAN!"

"MORE OZURA!" the trio chanted to her dismay.

"Yeah, he's pretty good." Ji-Dragon laughed.

"Please tell me that you're joking."

"Why so serious?" Ji-Dragon winked to the lady who looked as if the end of the world is near.

"WHY SO RANDOM?!"

"Why so blonde?" a chair is sent flying at Gintoki's direction.

Ji-Dragon and the managers had decided to get Katsura to start performing on stage before getting him to join YJ Entertainment as a trainee. They are even re-scheduling the performance to let Katsura to perform in a few segments. Ji-Dragon wanted to get Katsura to join him in his solo segment to perform 'Crayon' as he states that Katsura has the 'Crayon Spirit*' (whatever it is, Gintoki, Shinpachi and Tsubasa are suspecting that it might be crazy mode on).

If the boss of YJ ever finds out that whatever that Katsura had rapped on (well, during the first few parts of the rap) is true…Vig Vang is going to disappear from the history of Kpop and be condemned by others for getting a terrorist to join their company. There goes the great music and the creativity and the only person who ever dare to swear in a song with such class in Kpop history*.

Also, there goes one of the sexiest men in Kpop with such an awesome rapping voice* and a great dancer*…etc.

Also, there goes Yorozuya's reputation.

'Gin-san, we have to do something! If Katsura-san gets into YJ…we will be…'

'I know but there is nothing that we can do at the moment right? I mean, just look at these hyped-up people.' Gintoki pointed out to Shinpachi.

Daesang is smiling so widely that Gintoki could not see his eyes. Ji-Dragon is discussing the changes made to the performing segments with T1OP and their coordinators while getting his hair treatment. Katsura is practicing his 'dance' with Taeyung (who is more than happy to stay away from Tsubasa as he realized that Tsubasa will not get anywhere close to Katsura). For Seungli, he is massaging Kagura's shoulders while Elizabeth is massaging his shoulders.

They had kind of integrated into Vig Vang.

* * *

*Kagura and two Kpop stars rapping to Katsura's Katsurap. Look at all the Ks and the bad puns!

*Tsubasa has the tendency to use male pronouns when speaking.

*One of G-Dragon's (the celebrity that Ji-Dragon is based off) songs, 'That XX'. In the official release of the music video of this song, part of the lyrics (Geu saekki, meaning 'that bastard/son of a bitch in Korean) got censored off with a *beep*. If you like ballads, check out this song. That is if you don't mind having the censors in the official release of the music video.

*G-dragon's latest album 'One of A Kind' is being rated as 'Only 19 and above' in Korea. If I'm not wrong.

*Some of GD &TOP's (celebrities Ji-Dragon and T1OP are based off) songs were being banned in Korea.

*One of the lines used by Joker in Batman. Also, one of the lines in G-Dragon's other song, 'Crayon'.

*Katsura wanted to queue up for a Famicon when Yorozuya Trio was queuing for Bentendo Owee (Owee Arc).

*Maggie mee is used as a common name for 'instant noodles' in Singapore.

*Big Bang had a concert in Singapore in Sep 2012.

*'Mee' is also a common way Singaporeans call 'noodles'.

*YJ Entertainment, a parody of the entertainment company, YG Entertainment. The company which manages Big Bang.

*In GD's release of 'Crayon', I kind of feel that he is encouraging people to 'get their crazy side on'.

*Reference to 'That XX' and Ji-Dragon (G-Dragon).

*T1OP. Or TOP :)

*Taeyung. Or Taeyang :)

*Note, the censors did not really censor anything. It is just used as like how someone adds in a sound effect. Or, If you guys wish to, you can fill in the lyrics too :D


	18. Chapter 18

"Vice-Commander, we have received news from a group of teenage girls that they had spotted someone who resembles Katsura near the Budokan."

"Heh? Edo Dome? Isn't that the place where Vig Vang is holding their concert?" Hijikata wondered since when did the Jouishishi leader became a Kpop fan. He remembered chasing Katsura down at one of the high-end cafes and Vig Vang happened to be having their lunch break there.

The sasaengs were such a difficult bunch that it forced Sougo and him back to the Headquarters.

Mastsudaira had issued them a warning about getting anywhere near Vig Vang; Kuriko happens to be a fan of Vig Vang and she is amongst the sasaengs. The protective father did not want any harm to befall upon his daughter if there is indeed a Jouishishi mixed in the crowd.

He is too aware of what Sougo is capable of in such situations.

"Hijikata-san, did the sasaengs from the other day scare the shit out of you?" Sougo asks montonuously while cleaning his sword.

If not for Hijikata, Sougo might have cut down those crazy bitches while chasing after Katsura. Who gives a damn about those crazy stalkers' lives? He is sure that YJ Entertainment would be extremely happy if he had cut down some sasaengs. The only stalker that Sougo would ever give a damn on is a particular gorilla stalker by the name of Kondo Isao.

Speaking of Kondo,they did not remember seeing him around for the entire day.

"Hmph, who's scared of those crazy girls who have nothing better to do in their lives than to crap in front of their idols' dorms, send used panties and stuff like that to their idols? Bunch of good-for-nothings. Parasites of society."

"But you were pale when some of them were stalking us."

Some of the Vig Vang sasaengs switched camps to become Hijikata/Okita sasaengs after seeing the two Shinsengumi officers. Hijikata kind of understand how Gintoki felt with Ayame stalking him. He kind of envied Gintoki at one point; that tenpaa can beat up Ayame but he, as a Shinsengumi officer, can do nothing to these girls. Sougo is pretty happy to have willing targets for his sadistic ways.

To be honest, Hijikata was creeped out.

"Heh, I wasn't. I needed the toilet real bad, that's why I was pale."

"But you didn't run for the toilet immediately when we returned."

"Yeah, Okita-oppa is right, oppa*, you didn't run for the toilet."

Hijikata flew off from the spot to stare at the unknown girl at the door. How in the name of Mayorin did this girl get here?! This is the inner area of the Headquarters; no matter how great these sasaengs are, he doubted if they are capable of getting here.

And what's with calling him 'oppa'?! He is Japanese!

"How the hell.."

"Hijikata-san, did she scare you?" Sougo smirks while patting the girl's hair like someone will do with a dog.

"No."

"But oppa, you freaked-out."

"NO OPPA!" What is wrong with all these random Korean phrases?! He is Japanese!

"What about oppai*?" comes a familiar voice from the door?

It's Tsubasa.

"Yo, Sasa!"

"Yo, Sougo!" Hijikata moves away from the blonde immediately when she took the space between Sougo and him while grabbing onto the sasaeng's collar.

He remembered seeing this woman when they were chasing down Katsura the other day; if he did not remember wrongly, this woman is standing in as one of the security personnel for Vig Vang. What the hell is she doing here at the Headquarters? Who the heck let her in?

Why in the world is her presence in the room making the legendary Demonic Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi really uncomfortable?

"What are you doing here?"

"Toushi, you are so cold." Tsubasa pouted, with her grip on the sasaeng tight as ever. "You saw everything on me yet you act so distant."

"Shut up about that! Aren't you sick of bringing the same thing from Chapter 5?!"

The only inappropriate part on her nude body he had laid his eyes on during that incident happens to be her damn butt! Not even anything censor-worthy! And there she is harping about it all the time. Talking about boobs, Hijikata doubts if Tsubasa has any to be called a woman. She has a physique that can put a man to shame! (Well, that's what he can see from the back view of her body; she has quite a number of scars on her back.) Perhaps the only nice feature on her body would be her ass. And her legs. 'Why am I thinking of that?!'

"Fine. We need your help to get the records from the CCTV of the car park where Vig Vang parked their cars. Someone tapered with their cars and we are unable to leave the place on time for their salon appointment. The security there refused to cooperate unless we have a warrant from the police."

"Huh?" Since when did hotel security get that strict? Hijikata could not remember anywhere having such strict policies.

"Well, I can't get them to bulge so Gin-chan told me to find you." The truth is, she was chasing after some of the sasaengs and she had rounded up a group and dragged them over to the Headquarters. She suspected that they were the people who tapered with the cars.

Also, she wanted to pay Hijikata a visit.

Did she have some sort of crush on Hijikata?!

'Maybe.' She shrugs within her mind while observing the said man. Hijikata did not seem comfortable with her looking at him. He looked pretty freaked-out. A fight between an abnormally irritated Gintoki and Tsubasa almost broke out when she told him that she is going to pay Hijikata a visit. She had no idea why he is this prissy about her visiting Hijikata. Perhaps this means more work for him (he is the only person in Yorozuya counting out of Tsubasa who is capable of hunting down those sasaengs effectively.) or that he hates being left alone with T1OP (T1OP seems to have issues with the tenpaa).

Whatever it is, Gintoki is certainly becoming like an annoying bitch to Tsubasa these days.

"Fine, if I give you the warrant, you'll leave right?"

"Not necessarily. I might consider leaving but you'll have to do a ballerina twirl." Tsubasa replied while staring at the cuticles of her free hand.

"Like the hell if I would." He gritted through his teeth while laying out the stationery for the warrant.

"Oh you will. What if I reveal to Kuriko that Mayora 13 is Hijikata Toushirou and she can get Matsu-jiji to force you to marry her?" she had talked to one of the sasaengs and found out that she is the daughter of the perverted Matsudaira and about Mayora 13.

There is no way she is going to let him off this easily after getting hold on such a valuable piece of information. Hijikata appeared relatively calm but given her ANBU training with reading people, Tsubasa knew that he is panicking within his mind.

Sougo took out a tub of popcorn and shifted further from the pair. This is going to be a good show.

Hijikata and Tsubasa made no noise. The Vice-Commander is still writing out the warrant while Tsubasa had her grip on the sasaeng firm as ever while spacing out. The only sound would be Sougo's munching of the popcorn. The sasaeng's face is getting worse every minute. The young girl had not been exposed to such tense atmosphere in her life.

Sougo's sadistic expression while munching on his popcorn is not making things any better for the sasaeng. He looks like he is expecting Hijikata and Tsubasa to lunge at each other's throats while he is just there watching them die. Very much like those twisted Roman Kings who watch gladiators kill each other.

"Hijikata-san, marrying Kuriko isn't that bad you know? You get to save us all from crazy Matsudaira, a promotion, a pay rise and a cute youngling as a wife."

"And I think she is the only person who enjoys eating your dog food." Tsubasa added in.

No response. He is still drafting out the special warrant.

'Dog food? Who was the one who snatched my Hijikata Special after the doctor told her that she can start eating anything she wants?!' he wondered while penning out the last paragraph of the warrant. 'Sougo's quite right you know? But I think I'll be torn into pieces by that old fart before I can benefit. And…' His eyes shifted to the blonde holding the scared shitless sasaeng. He wonders why his mind wanders to this stupid woman whenever people ask him to get a girlfriend or a wife.

He did not even know her for more than half a year!

Also, he had to admit that after a week of her absence in the Headquarters, he kind of gets infuriated upon the thought of her living under the same roof as that tenpaa. There is a hint of regret in his decision of getting her to leave the Headquarters whenever he thinks of it.

'No. I'm not asking her to return. A samurai should not back out on his decisions and it is against the rules to let a woman live long-term in the Headquarters.' He told himself, chucking the completed warrant under Tsubasa's nose (he assumed) without looking at her.

"Hijikata-san, you spilled my popcorn." Sougo's dead voice came from the direction he stuffed the warrant to.

"Toushi, I'm here." He heard from the left.

Out of reflex, he turned to the left to find that woman's face extremely near. So near that their noses almost touched. The Vice-commander froze and seeing that, Tsubasa flashes a wide grin before taking the caramel-stained (Sougo is having caramel-coated popcorn) warrant from him and dragged the sasaeng out of the room.

Before she left, that stupid blonde winked at him. That action rendered Hijikata lobster red and unconscious.

"That's really disappointing of you, Hijikata-san." Sougo sighs while dragging the unconscious Hijikata to the nearest well.

* * *

*Oppa is the term Korean girls used to refer to men who are olde than them (as opposed to hyung, which is used by men to refer to men older than them.)

*Oppai. People who watch Gintama should know. Refers to boobs.


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm sorry that I've not been updating recently. Been really busy lately with school. And please bear in mind that this is a parody and this is a really long chapter so, bear with me folks! KUMAAA!**

* * *

Gintoki felt a sense of relief when the strawberry blonde appeared with what it seems to be a warrant in her hands. Kagura dived into the lady's arms and the impact knocked Tsubasa off her feet.

"SASAAA! WHERE HAVE YOH BEEN?! TO THE DEMON'S LAIR?"

"Kagura-chan, I've only been away for like ...2 hours?"

"Tsubasa-san, while you were away, Gin-san almost broke down."

Gintoki proceeds to smack Shinpachi hard in the head and it made her smirk.

"Oh? Over? "

"You washing board left all the hard work to me while having some stupid rendezvous with that Mayora didn't you?!" seriously, he is starting to sound like an overly-attached boyfriend. Creepy.

"Tenpaa, whatever I did at the Headquarters is none of your business. I've got the warrant so hurry up and pass this to the security." she throws the said item into Gintoki's face while trying to get off from the ground. Kagura is really heavy and she is unable to move.

Her ribs hurt like mad when she landed on the floor. When Gintoki left, her eyes started tearing up and it freaked the hell out of Taeyung who happened to be nearby. There is no way she will want to cry in front of Gintoki. Not after he started jeering at her for a whole week after she fell on her healing ribs while cleaning the toilet. Kagura got T1OP and Seungli over to help the lady to her feet.

While away, Gintoki opened the caramel-stained envelope (he wonders why it is not covered in mayonnaise) and took out the warrant. He recognized Hijikata's handwriting and hid in a corner to read what the Vice-commander wrote.

'To whom this warrant might concern,

This is a search warrant issued by the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi, Hijikata Toushirou. A request by the security personnel of Vig Vang has been made to allow investigations on the case of the damages done to the vehicles VV5561X, YJ0001A and YY2001Gbetween the time span of 0030hrs to 0330hrs. Your cooperation with regards to investigations would be much appreciated by the Shinsengumi or…'

Gintoki was quite impressed till…

'I will come down personally and tear your asses off for allowing this stupid blonde in my room to disturb my afternoon nap. Seriously, just cooperate with her and get it over and done with! I had enough of this woman wearing me out every time when she comes over to the Headquarters!

Vice-Commander of Shinsegumi,

Hijikata Toushirou

Ps: Just do as what she says or I'll skin you guys alive. '

It made Gintoki wonder just what the hell happened in the Headquarters but well, he is sure that the over-demanding security is going to give in this time. 'That woman has no sense of decency at all huh? Barging into that Mayora's bedroom…wait, wearing him out in his bedroom?!' Gintoki snaps.

Tsubasa had no idea what Hijikata wrote in the warrant but when she went over to meet Gintoki and the rest of the security personnel which Vig Vang had brought over from Korea, everyone looked at her weird. It made her suspicious of what did the Vice-Commander wrote. She did not check what he writes for she had been told during her stay at the Headquarters that Hijikata is an accomplished writer.

Even the usually friendly and nice to her T1OP is treating her weird too.

"Tsubasa-san."

"Yes?"

"We are extremely grateful for your help this time!" the entire Vig Vang bowed to her when they reached their destination.

This caught the blonde off guard to gape at them and Kagura dived into her arms, breaking into dramatic sobs. At the rate that Kagura is crying, Tsubasa doubted if her shirt will dry within an hours' time. The pain in her right ribs is making her head spin. Damn, why is Kagura this strong?! Gintoki and Shinpachi did not look good either; they seemed…disappointed?

"SASAAA! YOU'VE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR US!"

"Eh?" her mind is whirling in pain.

"NOONAAA! YOUR ACTIONS SHALL BE REMEMBERED BY VIG VANG THROUGHOUT OUR LIVES!" Seungli joined in with the sobbing and hugging. 'Damn, NOT YOU TOO SEUNGLI! IT HURTS!' she snaps in her mind upon the added weight on her body.

"We will never forget the day you sacrificed yourself for us, Tsubasa-san." Ji-Dragon sighs.

"To betray your innocence for us to leave the place is just…" Daesang sighs, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't mind me…" her mind is spinning from the pain.

"Tsubasa-dono, you've gained my respect."

Even Katsura?

Something at the back of Tsubasa's mind is telling her that there is something wrong but she is too caught up in her pain at the moment to react. She will have to clarify everything with Kagura or Shinpachi after she recovers from the pain. While the group is out at the stage rehearsing for their performance, Kagura and Shinpachi is nowhere to be found and Tsubasa found herself alone with Gintoki in the changing room.

Well, he is the last person she ever wanted to ask but she has little choice at the moment.

"Oi."

"I'm your boss."

"What happened to everyone? The producer came over to me just now and he was almost on his knees while thanking me." she asks, grabbing an anpan.

"You did something that disgusting and you wondered what happened?!" for some reasons unknown to Tsubasa, Gintoki seemed pretty agitated. It made her wonder what she does to incur such a reaction from the man.

He looked as if he is going to burst any moment. Not good.

She is the kind of person who is readily up for a brawl any moment but not when she is in the middle of work. Holding back the surge of temper, Tsubasa forces herself to calm down to look at him without the urge to want to punch him hard in the face.

"Enlighten me. Boss." she stressed on the last word with her facial muscles tensing into a smile.

Gintoki wanted to tell her off when Katsura and Ji-Dragon barged into the room frantically and Katsura is panting like some rhinoceros.

"What happened?" Tsubasa did not get her answer from the men; she could practically hear Hijikata down the hallway and her sadist senses are tingling. Sougo is here too. Not good. Gintoki stuffs Ji-Dragon, Katsura and Tsubasa into the changing room before rushing out to stall some time for his friend to escape.

'Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. How the hell did THEY spot you?!' Tsubasa looks at Katsura. His disguise as DJ Ozura askew and looking disorientated.

'I did not expect Kuriko to be around.'

'WHO THE HECK IS KURIKO?!'

'You don't know her?' Ji-Dragon asks, looking rather confused.

'She is the daughter of Matsudaira Katakuriko.' Katsura replied rather calmly in amidst of the yelling noises from the background caused by Hijikata brawling with Gintoki and Kagura in a fight against Sougo.

'That's not the point now. We have to think of a way to let him escape.' Tsubasa changed the topic quickly. The trio started staring at one another for the longest time; Gintoki cannot hold the Shinsengumi off any longer. Looking around in the room, they see no means for Katsura to escape. At least not when Tsubasa is recovering from her battle wounds or she could have teleported Katsura out of the building easily.

Ji-Dragon is not intending to sneak Katsura out though, he is thinking of how they are going to explain to the Shinsengumi that they have a terrorist with them. And hopefully they will be able to influence the Shinsengumi into letting Katsura off and join YJ Entertainment with their company's influence. Despite learning that Katsura is a terrorist, he is still not giving up on getting him into the big YJ family.

That is when he saw the 3 sets of wigs and costumes for the backup dancers for his song 'Crayon'.

"STUPID SADIST! YOUR REIGN OF TERROR SHALL END TODAY-ARU!"

"I shall crush your damn balls and feed them to Sadaharu." Gintoki hisses while engaged in combat against Hijikata.

"Gin-chan, don't feed Sadaharu mayo-balls. He will have diarrhea." Kagura warns while aiming another kick in Sougo's shin.

"Eh? Better than some tenpaa's wrinkly old balls. I bet that mutt will die within 10minutes after consuming his toxic balls that no woman will ever want."

"I will take Gin-san's balls anytime!" Ayame appears from the Shinsengumi crowd and Gintoki snatches Sougo's bazooka to fire it at her direction.

Kagura then proceeds to punch the sadist but to miss and for some odd reasons, Sougo got out another bazooka and he proceeds to blow up the door of the changing room. Shinpachi pales upon this; they will be in deep trouble if the authorities' starts questioning how in the world did a Kpop concert managed to blow up a changing room even before it started.

Also, he doubts if the money Yorozuya had made would suffice for the renovation of the blown up changing room.

And. There is no place for Katsura to hide in the changing room! They are going to get Vig Vang and YJ Entertainment into some serious trouble!

'OH SHIT!' Gintoki and Kagura gaped at the gaping hole of where the door once stood.

"Sorry, I was aiming at Hijikata-san…" Sougo stated with his uninterested voice.

Hijikata wanted to yell at him but he gave up on the idea. Capturing Katsura is more important than arguing with that nonchalant sadist. Also, he is kind of used to those remarks. When the smoke cleared, what greeted everyone's eyes was…

'Are you kidding me?! How the hell am I supposed to cover this up?!' Gintoki thought the blonde is capable of coming up with something easier.

In front of them stood two girls with the same blonde hair, in a little figure-hugging dress and heels with their backs facing them in different dressing compartments.

"OK EVERYBODY! NOW LET'S COMMENCE WITH THE 'GUESS WHO IS JI-DRAGON' GAME SHOW! AHAHAHAAAA!" Daesang (who rushed over after hearing the bazookas) announced in his ridiculous jumpsuit. Thanks to his experience in hosting, he was able to cover this up.

Gintoki took the cue to join Daesang in front of the Shinsengumi officers in his as ridiculous and tacky host suit. Taeyung rushes into the now-almost-torn-apart dressing room and starts playing Ji-Dragon's 'Crayon' as BGM while Seungli is handing out pieces of blank cue cards and pens to the officers present. Shinpachi had no idea when in the world did T1OP appeared and started labeling the 'ladies' in numerical order by placing a large cardboard in front.

"Now Daesang-ssi, it is well-known that there are lots of flower boys in the Kpop industry no?"

"Well, yes of course! Our leader is well-known for his gender-confusing fashion and good looks!"

'Wait till I get my hands on you, Daesang…'

"Oh yeah! Remember the hot lady who appeared in his music video 'Crayon'? Our dear Ji-Dragon had caused a great hooha, ne?" Gintoki manages while reading off the cardboard Ayame is holding behind the Shinsengumi officers with words 'Ji-Dragon, Crayon, looks like a hot woman in music video' on it. Frankly speaking, the only Kpop song that Gintoki knows happens to be the Gangnam Style.

For once, he is glad that Ayame is a stalker.

"Yes of course, Gintoki-san! Our leader is the most gender-confusing person ever within our group!"

'I am going to kill you after this…'

"Can I have a look on how many of you had watched the video and fapped at the hot behind of Ji-Dragon-ssi in his fabulous little black dress?" Gintoki asks.

Silence ate the moment.

Hijikata is very sure that one of them is Katsura; there is no way he is able to escape in such a short time. However, the man standing guard at the dressing room compartment is sure looking scary. There is no way he can survive a sasaeng attack if he hurts any one of Vig Vang's members. 'Sougo, hurry up and blow them up.'

The first person who raised his hand is Sougo.

Seeing their captain's hand, several hands were up.

'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!' Gintoki and Hijikata practically screamed in their minds when they saw Sougo's hand. More than half of the Shinsengumi officers raised their hands.

"Hm…this is going to be a test on how much attention you were paying to our Leader's butt while fapping away." Daesang manages after seeing so many officers admitted to fapping to the image of Ji-Dragon's backside. He could vaguely hear his leader's mental curses from the rooms. "Now, guess who the real Ji-Dragon is!" he gestures to the three 'ladies'.

"Those who got the correct answer shall be entitled to a surprise!" Gintoki smiles.

'Are you kidding me?! Gin-san, this is going to get really ugly if they got Katsura-san!'

'Tell that to the idiot who thought of this stupid idea!'

'I'm sorry.' Ji-Dragon interrupted.

'Ahahaha!'

'It's fine; I'm already disturbed by the fact that there are men fapping to my behind.'

Hijikata narrows his eyes at the ladies' bottoms. He had not watched the music video but there is no way he is unable to tell who is who from the back view. There is no way he is going to get it wrong. Tsubasa's butt is literately etched into his mind in a rather disturbing way.

He did not see Tsubasa's butt.

However, he has no idea whether Ji-Dragon shares a similar butt as Katsura (both of them are similar in build).

While in on compartment of the dressing room, Katsura is staring at a very hectic-looking Tsubasa who is trying to fix her dress. They managed to squeeze into one compartment and Tsubasa is trying to adjust her dress so nothing obscene is being revealed. To be honest, Katsura is finding this extremely disturbing. It is difficult for men not to be disturbed when watching the process of a normal tranny transforming into a weirder-looking tranny.

'Hurry up and change.' He averted his eyes from the blonde while she is adjusting the shirts she had managed to stuff into the dress.

'It's tough to be a sexy woman.'

'Hurry up and change! And I don't find you getting any sexier.'

'Should've grabbed a proper bra padding…' she ignores the last comment while shifting the shirts between her chest and the dress.

'Are you done?! They are almost done with the selection!'

'Almost. My left boob is looking out of shape.'

'You want mine? I grabbed a Nu-bra.' Katsura offers.

'You can't move now! Stay still!'

After looking through the votes, Gintoki is starting to wonder why in the world did he join this madness. People are voting for the second 'lady'.

And the best part is most of them are correct.

"Now we shall announce who got the most votes!"

"I'm more interested in who is NOT Ji-Dragon." Hijikata states while trying to force his way through Daesang and Gintoki.

"It is lady number 2! Please turn around!" Gintoki snaps before Hijikata gets close.

Lady number two started retreating from the area while swaying her hips. Although everyone kind of knew that there is a possibility of her being Ji-Dragon, they could not help to be impressed by how hot she looked while swaying.

Hijikata ignored the crowd and start walking up into the room but the lady blocked him effectively.

It turns out to be Ji-Dragon (much to his dismay).

"Hi there, Vice-Commander!" he starts distracting Hijikata by edging closer. It kind of freaked the Vice-Commander out.

Seizing the opportunity, Tsubasa switches places with Katsura by shoving him into the pile of underwear left by the dancers.

"And the surprise would be?" Gintoki asks in a tone which is urging Ji-Dragon to do something to distract everyone while Tsubasa and Katsura switch places.

Ji-Dragon's lips pouted with a wink directed at Hijikata. The Vice-Commander gulped, realizing what is coming up. The flower boy started chasing Hijikata around the room, trying to get the freaked-out man for a kiss. For a man wearing 4-inch heels, Ji-Dragon is running at fearsome speed.

'I never knew that Mayora can scream like this.' Everyone thought while watching the pair run. They had almost never seen Hijikata that freaked out before. Not even the Shinsengumi officers who had braved through dangers with the Demonic Vice-Commander had ever seen him behaving like a pansy while screaming incoherent curses and running away from such a hot woman (everyone had forgotten about the fact that the 'woman' is a man in disguise). Sougo passed his phone to Gintoki to get him to record the entire scene down while making his way to the other lady.

"YO-HO SOUGO~!"

"Eh, Sasa?" he did not seem surprised.

"Yes, Sougo-kun?" she is trying her very best to distract the uninterested Sougo by battering her fake eyelashes as cute as possible (without looking like a madwoman) while maintaining eye contact.

"Since when did you transform from a tranny to a girl?" It made the rest present wonders what sort of eyesight Sougo possesses.

She looks even more like a tranny than ever with the whorish clothing.

"All thanks to a wig* and paddings~!" she chirps.

At the background, Sougo could hear Hijikata screaming while trying to escape from Ji-Dragon. Gintoki better get that down too. Sougo makes sure that his cellphone's battery is fully charged before leaving the Headquarters for important scenes like these.

Katsura almost got out from the pile of underwear to correct Tsubasa when the blonde notices it and stuffs her socks into his face when Sougo turns to fire his bazooka at Hijikata. The Jouishishi got knocked out cold by the stench coming off her socks. An afro Hijikata appeared after the smoke clears and he starts glaring daggers at Ji-Dragon and Tsubasa.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE KPOP IDOLS OR NOT! I'M FREAKING ARRESTING YOU ALL FOR INTERFERING WITH PUBLIC ARREST OF A TERRORIST!" He yells, pointing his sword at Vig Vang. "AND THE SAME GOES FOR YOU CLOWNS!" he bellows at Yorozuya.

He is very sure that the lady who was at Tsubasa's place is not her.

'Shit, he is coming this way!' she starts panicking.

"C'mon Hijikata-san, Sasa is being the nice…"

"YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT FROM ME WHEN WE RETURN TO THE HEADQUARTERS!" he spat at Sougo.

'Just a final distraction!' Shinpachi turns to Tsubasa who seems to be having difficulties in walking.

"TOUSHIIII!" she tries running to the Vice-Commander in avail and trips on the heels.

Hijikata found his body moving automatically to catch the falling blonde and saves her from slamming her caked face into the floor in time.

Their eyes met in that instant and...

'WHAT'S WITH THE FUA-FUA MOMENT?!' Gintoki and T1OP sulked at the sight.

Ji-Dragon, who had gotten rid of the ridiculous wig, started wolf-whistling with Daesang and Seungli with a troll-faced Sougo by their side. He had his cellphone back to take the final picture to seal the moment. Hijikata holding onto a tranny whose butt padding had fallen off when she is falling.

'The fake eyelashes are annoying.' Both thought while staring.

It took Hijikata some time to realize what is happening and promptly dropped Tsubasa like a sack of potatoes. The Vice-Commander left in a huff with an extremely pleased Sougo. With them gone, everyone in the room heaves a sigh before checking out on Katsura in the changing compartment. Let's just say that even if thrown in front of the Sougo, the sadist will not be able to recognize the purple man. Everyone left the Jouishishi in another room before resuming their activities.

Ji-Dragon had given up on getting Katsura into YJ Entertainment after the stunt he had pulled. Also, Daesang made a mental note to never ever tease his Leader's flower boy looks. He got it real bad when the concert ended. For some odd reasons, Tsubasa appeared to be in better mood than usual after bidding Vig Vang farewell at the airport. Gintoki was pretty pissed when T1OP actually hugged the tranny.

* * *

*Wig in Japanese is called 'Zura'


	20. Chapter 20

Mika did not like it when Takasugi dragged her aboard Harusame. She had made it pretty clear to him that she is not intending to join Kiheitai but the man seems to treat her as if she is his property. She felt the man is not respecting her and he is treating her as an object. Not to mention, the irritating man refuses to call her by her name and kept referring to her as 'Kaguya-hime'. He kept calling her by that that it is starting to make her wonder if he has a goldfish's memory. She has to keep correcting him every time when he speaks.

'If only I'm not weaker than usual.' she snaps in her mind while wandering around Harusame. She thought the Kiheitai mother ship is big at first but compared to Harusame's mother ship, it is nothing. It made her wonder if Harusame's mother ship is of the same size as Sunagakure. Speaking of Sunagakure, she misses the village to bits.

Although that sandy village is not the nicest place to live on Earth, there is a certain homey feel to the sands found in Sunagakure. No matter how many deserts she had crossed, there is a certain different quality to the sand found out of her village.

Thinking of the warm sands made her heart ache.

How many days had passed from the day she had disappeared from the battlefield?

Until she finds a way to return to Sunagakure, she will have to, unfortunately, call the Kiheitai mother ship her home. Gazing out of one of the numerous glass windows of Harusame, it pains her to see nothing but stars scattered around the never-ending expanse called universe.

"It is rare to have a lady aboard." a sing-song voice came from behind her.

She had sensed someone around. The killing intent and blood lust radiating from this person is too obvious to go unnoticed. At least not for Mika. She chose to ignore him until he started opening his damn mouth.

She is already in bad mood after being dragged here by Takasugi. This boy better watch his tongue. Her temper is no milder than her blonde rival when in bad mood.

"Ah, are you the Baka-Admiral's pleasure lady brought aboard for the party? You're at the wrong venue, my lady." he sounds pretty carefree but those words.

Turning around to have a better look at the person (or intended punching bag), Mika found her eyes on a pretty short and lean boy of around her age with a smile plastered over his fine features. The smile on his face reminded her of that Sai from Konohagakure. That mouth and voice too, reminded Mika of Sai. Not good. He has vermilion bangs hanging over this eyebrows, an ahoge* sticking out from his head and she noticed that his hair is quite long; it seems to be braided from her view. He is pale like her blonde rival or paler. It freaks her out ever so slightly to see another male this pale with the first being Sai.

He reminded Mika vaguely of this manga character who has a mechanical right arm and left leg*. She is not into anime and manga therefore, unable to remember the name of the character off-hand. She remembered the character from one of the numerous manga scattered around the so-called 'libraries' aboard the Kiheitai mother ship.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, like what I've said, you're late and in the wrong venue. The celebration had ended and Admiral is not here. I'm sure that he is waiting for you somewhere else. Perhaps in his room. Do you need me to escort you over?" his head tilted to the left slightly with that stupid smile.

"I believe that you've got some misunderstanding here, sir."

"Eh? Aren't most women aboard Harusame commodities for the fat and lecherous old fart?" His eyelids parted revealing brilliant blue eyes that might extract a compliment from Mika.

Too bad for the cute guy that she is in a bad mood.

This is it.

Takasugi and one of the squad captains were in the middle of their discussion when they heard a loud crash coming off from the East Wing of the ship. Since Mika is not around with them, Takasugi assumed that it should be her for no one is that ignorant to cause trouble aboard Harusame's mother ship.

This might be interesting; he did not expect Kaguya-hime to be the sort of person who will cause trouble upon setting foot on a pirate's mother ship. Bansai seemed pretty disturbed by the thought of Mika getting into trouble. He is getting oddly protective of the lady these days and Takasugi does not like this.

When Bansai and the said captain had rushed over to the source of the crash, they found Mika and Kamui locked in intense combat. Takasugi did not bother to run; he merely walked to the spot in his usual pace. He doubted if she will die from a brawl with anyone on Harusame. Her wounds told him that this woman is capable of taking on things way off Harusame's league.

Kamui is there, fighting one of the most beautiful women the Harusame captain had ever laid his eyes on.

This is the first time the captain had ever seen Kamui being unable to overpower a woman in the first 10 minutes into combat. There is no other person within the Harusame who is capable of this feat and there the beauty is holding her end against the Yato who had killed Housen. This must be some kind of joke.

Leaping off from the ground, the lady starts assailing the young captain with a series of blows which got Kamui defensive. This is the first time they had ever witnessed Kamui being forced into defense in combat. This must be a joke.

When Kamui and Mika both prepared to deliver a decisive blow, Bansai and another man intervened.

Takasugi could sense the immense killing intent coming off from Mika at that moment. The man who stopped Kamui lacked a left arm; as indicated by his bored expression, it seems to the Kiheitai people that he is pretty used to stopping Kamui.

"What kind of trouble did my dear Captain got into this time?"

"Abuto, I've found a strong woman!" Kamui exclaims with that stupid smile still on his face.

"So what? Don't tell me that you are going to mate with her?"

Mika and Takasugi got it bad when they heard the comment from Abuto. Did the man in question say 'mate'? What in the world is he views on women? Baby-producing machines?! Also, Takasugi is pretty ready to slice some Amanto down for referring to Mika as a mate to something this disgusting. There is no way he is going to let those stupid Amanto pirates take his Kaguya-hime away.

Mika is ready for another round when Kamui shakes his head.

"She might be strong but she is not my type." He shrugs.

"Eh?" Abuto turns to take a better look at Mika who had calmed down after hearing that from Kamui.

The same applies to Takasugi.

The older Yato turns back to his captain looking pretty shocked. There must be something wrong with Kamui's eyes to be unable to appreciate the Kaguya-hime in front of them. This woman is not only strong; she is the product of natural selection! Strong, beautiful with birthing hips and...Abuto thought some goddess had decided to take time off from heaven to descend upon their ship filled with dirty men.

He wonders what sort of woman does Kamui like.

"Oi, please tell me that you are joking. This woman is the proof of the existence of natural selection."

Mika flushes upon hearing the compliment.

Kamui, for the first time, frowns at Mika.

"Whatever. I don't like her." Kamui states before walking off.

'I don't like you too.'

'Seems to me that dear Captain is going to be forever alone.' Abuto sighs while trying to drag his captain back to the Kiheitai group.

* * *

*ahoge: a single, often large, lock of hair sticking out from the top of the head in anime/manga characters.

*Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist.


	21. Chapter 21

"I'm truly sorry for the misunderstanding." Abuto sighs to Mika.

Kamui did not seem apologetic at all. He had been told off by the fat useless Admiral and he has to apologize to Mika formally for mistaking her as a prostitute of some sorts. Not that the Yato ever cared about apologizing; the only mode of apology Kamui finds best is giving the opponent a good fight and he is sure that he had apologized to the lady. He was pretty annoyed by the fact that there is no conclusion to their fight earlier; someone needs to apologize to him for ruining his apology.

Mika did not know what to say upon hearing Bansai out. According to the near-deaf man, the brat who pissed the shit out of her is captain of the most powerful combat units in Harusame. If not for experiencing his battle prowess first-hand, Mika doubted the cute Kamui is strong as Bansai claims him to be.

She hates to admit this but she finds Kamui cute. First off finding Takasugi hot is quite disturbing to the kunoichi and now she is finding the person who insulted her earlier cute. It is making her wonder if she had been too deprived during her time in Sunagakure to find almost every male around her age attractive.

'And they are shorter than me…' She sighs (Takashima-san is 1.73m in height).

"Taicho, you will be forever alone if you don't know how to apologize to women." Abuto tells the young captain. Takasugi is by Mika's side and he looked pretty ready to defend his Kaguya-hime.

"Abuto, aren't you single too?"

"Taicho, I am way too busy cleaning up your shit to keep a woman. If you are still like this, there is no way you are getting laid."

"That's not true. I've had some experience with wo-"

"Kamui-san, we have no interest in your private endeavors with women." Mika interrupted.

"You are too polite for my liking." Kamui frowns for the first time. "I don't like fake people like you. Beneath the prissy facade and all, you are no different from me."

Mika is pretty sure that if Kamui is not born a Yato, he will never make it through childhood. He has zero social skills. He reminds her of Sai from Konohagakure vividly but at least the boy bothered offering an apology. This Yato is starting to get on her nerves.

Abuto could tell that this lady is going to punch his captain any moment. Takasugi seemed pretty entertained by the prospect of Mika getting into another with Kamui though. The man's eyes seem to widen with insane glee when he senses that Mika is going to let loose at Kamui.

Bansai and Takasugi are showing no intentions of stopping Mika should the lady want to attack Kamui. If Kamui gets roughed up by Mika once more, Abuto is not going to help him. He is quite sure after witnessing the display earlier that there is a high possibility for Mika to kill Kamui.

"Mika, this is the captain of the Seventh Squad of Harusame, Kamui." Bansai told her.

'Isn't it a little too late for introductions now?!'

"I'm Takashima Mika..."

"She's my Kaguya-hime." Takasugi interrupts. His statement made Bansai and Mika gape at him simultaneously and Kamui seems pretty confused by what Takasugi meant by his 'Kaguya-hime'.

The Yato's brain is so caught up with fighting that he kind of neglected certain aspects of life.

"Abuto, what does he mean by that?"

Abuto did not seem to be surprised at all. From the way Takasugi looks at the beauty, he could tell that the leader of Kiheitai has something for her. Also, there is no way any man other than his stupid captain can ever resist loving such a beautiful creature like Mika on first sight. Only an idiot like Kamui will not like a woman like Mika.

To be honest, Kamui might be a little too young to settle down at the moment but Abuto thinks that his captain should find someone to distract from fighting all day long. At least the lady might be capable of distracting Kamui from getting into more trouble and this means less shit-clearing for Abuto. They had come across many fine women while travelling but Kamui seems to take little or almost no interest in them. Well, that is counting out the times Kamui got curious of sex and tested out his curiosity on some of the females.

Kamui seems to have no intentions in finding a girlfriend at all. When asked, the young Yato simply replied 'the battlefield is my wife.'

Mika did not know what to say; as long as he does not piss her off that badly, she shall learn to keep that temper off.

* * *

**Yo people who are following this story,**

**Sorry that I've not been updating that frequently; been really occupied with assignments these months and lacked inspiration to write (the last part is not that true; more of I had been distracted by Hetalia and KHR. DAMN YOU ANTONIO, LUDWIG, YAMAMOTO AND HIBARI!). Had gained an interest in Hakuouki recently but not intending to watch it at the moment. XD Working on a Hetalia and KHR fic at the same time but I don't think I'll be posting any of it until this damn thing is almost halfway through. **

**Regards, **

**Sakurai Rakka :)**


	22. Chapter 22

Her stay aboard the Harusame mother ship can only be described as tiring. For the three days aboard, she had been bugged by the enthusiastic Kamui to fight him constantly. The young Yato captain had become some sort of an unofficial guardian to Mika when Bansai is accompanying Takasugi around for negotiations. She had no idea why in the world did Takasugi come up with the decision to take her aboard Harusame when she has no links to Kiheitai.

However, Mika will have to thank Kamui's presence around her at times.

Well, it is not a secret that men aboard are deprived and they can be rather impulsive when they see women aboard. After the episode with Kamui on the first day, Mika had decided to refrain from beating anyone up.

The Yato seems ever-willing to provoke her into a fight by stalking her. Other than times like bathing or going to the restroom, Kamui is always not too far from her with a bored Abuto who kept telling his captain that he must be in love. Kamui insisted that he is not interested in Mika in that manner but the older man seems to be skeptical of his statement.

Takasugi had been busy with negotiations and therefore, he seems to be seeing lesser of Mika when they are aboard Harusame. For some odd reasons, this is affecting her ever-slightly.

Though appearing to be a callous and blood-thirsty person, Kamui seems to be able to see that Mika wants to see a bit of Takasugi.

"Well, well, well, isn't the princess bored without her prince?"

"Enlighten me, Kamui-san." She asks while playing with the stirrer in the coffee. By now, Kamui knew that whenever Mika sits down to have a cup of coffee, it indicates that she is missing someone by the name of Takasugi Shinsuke. The more she fiddles with the stirrer or teaspoon, the more she misses the other madman's presence.

This is something which even Mika is not even aware of.

"You are thinking of that Takasugi person aren't you?" that stupid smile is tempting her to punch him hard in the face. Abuto seems to be able to sense annoyance coming from Mika's seemingly serene surface and he is starting to nudge his ignorant captain under the table.

He better stop before Mika does something like what happened in the hallway on her first day aboard. There is no way Abuto would want to clean up another mess caused by Kamui's stupid mouth; they are here to relax before heading back to their squad and not cause more damages to the mother ship. He hoped that Kamui will start learning on how to deal with women; he is always getting into trouble with women.

Mika ignored Kamui's taunt for another fight to continue fiddling with the stirrer. She has no interest in starting any nonsense. This will be the last day aboard Harusame and the last time the stupid Kamui can ever provoke a fight out of her; she is not going to let him have his way.

Mika merely smiles to the boy before getting ready to leave.

"It's been a pleasure knowing you, Kamui-san."


	23. Chapter 23

"No." Hijikata looked away from the blonde whose puppy eyes are getting better.

"Toushi...pleaaaase?" she cooed in front of the store.

"No! Just how many times do I have to tell you?! No!"

It is Tsubasa's day off (more of self-proclaimed one) and she chose to spend her day at the Shinsengumi Headquarters. The Shinsengumi had been pretty busy and therefore, they stuffed the blonde to Hijikata, who happened to have his day off too. The blonde seized the opportunity to hackle the Vice-Commander by demanding him to pay for the expenses.

He could not retaliate.

He wanted to but he could not. Not when she starts kicking up a fuss, attracting unwanted attention on the streets. Or is it?

He is not sure but he is definitely not enjoying his day off.

They had passed by a video game shop and Tsubasa had set her eyes on this portable console by Bentendo called Bentendo 3TS. The lady had been trying her best to get Hijikata to pay for the piece of gadget (like the lunch, drinks and almost everything she had) but the man is not planning to bulge. He has to stop somewhere.

He had treated her to lunch, bought her drinks and had been paying for almost everything they had from the moment they left the Headquarters. It has to stop. Getting him to buy a TS seems to be way off.

However, he could feel his resolve crumbling beneath those eyes.

By a little.

"Toushi..."

"No, you little..." her eyes fell and the woman started drawing circles on the ground.

It was as if he could see a pathetic shadow casted over her being when she did that. It seems way worse than what he had anticipated.

"Neh, Toushi."

"What?"

"Had our relationship gotten to the point whereby you won't even buy me a 3TS? Since when have we grown so far apart that you no longer take me out or get anything for me?"

By the time she had finished her question, a small crowd had gathered quite a distance away from them. Though soft, Hijikata could hear them accusing him of being a jerk or something along those lines. He wonders why in the world she enjoys toying with him in such a way. Even when in front of the Yorozuya, she never fails to make such comments to set the crazy-with-envy Gintoki on him.

There were times he wonders if it is a good decision for him to get her out of the Headquarters.

"Shut it you crazy woman! It's only a 3TS! You can afford one..."

"But it's the first time I'm asking you to get something for me! And it's only a 3TS...and a couple of TS games..." her voice grew fainter as she talked. She sounds as if she is going to cry any moment.

Also, the people gathered around them looked like they are going to kill him any moment. Especially the women.

And to be honest, he hates seeing her depressed. He knew that this is an act to get him to pay for the 3TS but he still feels uncomfortable at the thought of him being responsible for her depression; faked or real, Hijikata realized that he dislikes seeing her unhappy.

'Well...it's only a 3TS...' he sighs in defeated, exhaling smoke.

"I'm not going to wait for you." he told her while making his way into the store. Tsubasa seems to be able to take the cue and hiding a ghost of a smirk, the blonde follows Hijikata into the shop.

Upon reaching, Hijikata realized that the staff had been observing his exchange with Tsubasa through the glass panels.

Great.

Taking that to her advantage, she grabs his arm and practically got him dragged over to the salesperson. She seems to be unable to sense that Hijikata almost got knocked out from the contact. He looked as if Tsubasa had hidden a stun gun somewhere in her sleeve and had attempted to stun him.

Well, Hijikata is definitely Tsundere.

She practically looked like a child in a candy shop while looking at the different colours of the 3TS lay out.

Well, at least she looked happy.

Seeing her smile made him feel similar as how he used to feel when he sees Mitsuba smile.

Wait. What?

"I'll take the red one!" her voice snapped him out of horror.

Shit.


	24. Chapter 24

Gintoki swore that from the moment the dumb blonde returned home, her eyes were practically glued to the new 3TS. He had heard from Kagura that the blonde had left earlier in the morning for the Shinsengumi Headquarters. He had this pang of annoyance within him when he learn of where Tsubasa had disappeared to; he never felt right after learning the fact that she is not within his sight.

Well, she is around at the moment but...

He had suspected that the 3TS had been a gift from someone he dislikes. A lot. And that stupid blonde will not stop smirking when she is playing on the 3TS. Something must have happened during her outing.

"Oya, oya, someone got a new 3TS."

"Keep quiet and I'll let you have a go." she replied, tapping on the gadget. "I'm hunting now so shut it."

Gintoki took the space beside her to peek over her shoulder. She is playing the newest release of the TS version of Monkey Hunter Portable. She is setting up a pitfall trap with tainted banana as bait for the monkey. From the looks of it, she had hunted some pretty strong monkeys to have a new amour.

He had played the online version before and it remained a recurring nightmare for the Yorozuya. The screwdrivers and all.

An orange monkey with blue tiger stripes* burst through the forest and started screaming, making Tsubasa's character (Imai*) cover her ears. Then, the monkey started crawling across the area like some sort of a creep (Gintoki noted that the way the monkey moved looked really disturbing. The monkey's movement reminded him some sort of a reptile.) And Imai managed to dodge in time for the monkey to eat the tainted banana to fall into the pitfall trap.

Imai started throwing tranquilizer bombs at the monkey and it took around two of the bombs for her to capture the monkey successfully.

Gintoki heaved a sigh of relief after witnessing her successful capture of the monkey. Tsubasa shivered by a little as his warm breath had touched her neck. The lady turned to realize that he is too close for comfort. The pair stared at each other for some time before Gintoki flushed and withdrew while Tsubasa shifted uncomfortably.

Not noticing anything wrong, Kagura started asking Gintoki of what went wrong between them.

"Sasa, who bought you that TS-aru?"

"It's not TS, Kagura-chan, it's a 3TS!" she smiles, still playing.

"TS or 3TS it's just useless and meaningless toys which shall be replaced by newer ones." Gintoki mumbled, earning a kunai in his head. She is planning to try out other games after finishing Monkey Hunter.

Gintoki looked pretty much that he wants to snatch the 3TS from her and throw it out of the damn window. The stupid look on her face while playing the 3TS looked pretty much like those girls who is reading through lovey dovey messages sent by their stupid boyfriends. And he is pretty sure that the 3TS is a gift from Hijikata.

A cell phone from the Shinsengumi, then a stupid 3TS from Hijikata. Sometimes Gintoki wonder what on earth the Shinsengumi is to the blondie. Is Hijikata her sugar daddy or what? Why in the world they are giving her so many things?!

That stupid expression on her face when she is playing her 3TS is infuriating him further when he looks at her.

'It's like that Mayora is your boyfriend. Damn that stupid Mayora.' he thought, glaring at her across the table.

"Gin-chan, why are you looking as if you have something stuck up your ass-aru? Did your poop get stuck halfway while taking a dump just now?"

"Or did one of your toys get stuck up there?" Tsubasa added in, now hunting another Monkey called Marioth*. Gintoki threw an expired Jump at her direction but she had managed to dodge it while dodging Marioth's snow blast in-game.

'C'mon man, don't just sit there and play games whole day! Look at me! Wait, what the hell am I thinking? What's wrong with you, Sakata Gintoki?!' he mused while his dead fish eyes are still on the nonchalant blonde who is totally consumed by her Monkey Hunter Portable. It made him wonder if one day she will start kidnapping random people to repair her 3TS to play that damned game.

Truth is, Tsubasa had been feeling uncomfortable after that stupid Tenpaa's hot breath came into contact with her neck. That damn breath had sent shivers from her neck down her body which she had recognized as a sign of getting turned on. How in the world she got turned on she had no idea. Perhaps it is the lack of contact with people these days or she had not seen that picture taken with her crush in Konoha for a really long time.

'I must've been really deprived these days huh?' she wonders, still fighting Marioth.

"Sasa, why are you having the same expression as Gin-chan aru?"

"Ha! Someone had her damned carrot stuck in her vjj!" Gintoki laughed.

"Gin-san! Please refrain from saying such things in front of Kagura-chan! You are corrupting her!" Shinpachi told the man off while sweeping the floor. Tsubasa's hand reached into her kunai holster and threw a kunai at Gintoki's direction without tearing her eyes off her 3TS.

Gintoki managed to dodge that with relative ease but when he turned around, Tsubasa is in front of him. The lady is squatting on the coffee table, her face annoyed and close to his. She is glaring at him but it's not daggers; the intensity of her glare can be compared to the infamous Magekyo Sharingan's Amaterasu. He could feel the woman setting him on fire with that kind of eye contact. He was too confused as to whether it is the kind of fire or those that inflicted fear.

"I don't use carrots, tenpaa!"

"Huh?"

"I don't like to masturbate." she sighs.

The living room became silent and Kagura looked pretty ready to throw in a question. Gintoki did not know how to react to her statement.

Silence engulf Yorozuya's living room and Tsubasa returned to playing her 3TS.

And the moment is getting really long.

"Sa-"

"SHINPACHI! HURRY UP AND DO SOMETHING!"

"What are you expecting from me, Gin-san?" the teen asks, adjusting his fogged glasses awkwardly.

"Sa-"

"I DON'T KNOW! SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT! YOU ARE THE STRAIGHT MAN HERE! DO SOMETHING!" Gintoki yells, grabbing his permed hair like a maniac.

"Gin-san, aren't you the one who usually has something to reply to in such situations?" Shinpachi is partially right about this. Why on Earth is he getting this agitated after learning about her preferences?

"Sa-"

Not knowing how to respond, the man headed straight out of the house.

* * *

*Parody of one of the monsters in Monster Hunter: Tigrex.

*Parody of one of the monsters in Monster Hunter: Barioth.


	25. Chapter 25

"Please cut off all of that stupid permed hair, Master." Tsubasa told the barber, still playing on the 3TS.

"Master, please cut off that stupid dried-up golden grass on that tranny's head so she shall not remain stupid for the rest of her life." this time, a fuma shuriken is sent flying at his direction, missing the barber by a little.

Gintoki leapt off from his seat to start yelling at the blonde about how the hell she is capable of keeping a damn huge fuma shuriken with her. Defying all logic, the fuma shuriken came flying back to its owner, cutting bits of Gintoki's silver tresses on its way.

"WHAT THE HELL WOMAN! YOU ALMOST CUT MY HEAD OFF!"

"Say that again. I dare you tenpaa." she gritted through her teeth, spinning the fuma shuriken by the hole in the middle using her index finger. She had let go of her 3TS and seemed pretty serious about killing Gintoki.

"Tsubasa-san, this is a fuma shuriken, not a boomerang. How in the world it can return to you after flying to Gin-san?" Shinpachi asks, staring at the weapon.

"If thrown at a correct angle with the right amount of strength, it can act like a boomerang. Want another demo?" she smirked, unfolding the shuriken.

"Oi woman, if you want to imitate any Naruto characters, you can only do Naruto! You are too dumb to pull off any Uchiha moves*!"

"Hah?" she sent the shuriken to his direction again. Gintoki had managed to duck in time but to their horror, she tugged what it seems to be a wire and the four blades of the fuma shuriken separated and began spinning individually.

With fingers like a puppeteer, she pulled the individual blades towards Gintoki's direction. It happened so fast that even before the barber is able to give Gintoki a haircut, Tsubasa had pretty much thinned his thick and natural permed silver hair with the shuriken blades. Kagura had forsaken her manga to watch Tsubasa give Gintoki a haircut with her fuma shuriken and the barber is getting more annoyed by Tsubasa's move every minute. This blondie is stealing his job.

If Gintoki knew that she is this proficient with her weapons, he would have asked her to cut his hair for him and saved some money. Too late for that now.

"Sasa, the right side of his hair is not the same as the left-aru."

"Tsubasa-san, do something to that fringe."

She nods and with a flick of her calloused fingers, the lady manages to chop off quite an amount of hair from where Kagura and Shinpachi told her.

"Oi! I'm here to let oyaji cut my hair! Not let some random Uchiha-wannabe cut it while attempting to chop my head off!" Gintoki snaps, trying to dodge those blades in avail. He wonders what in the world had this woman been up to before getting picked up by the Shinsengumi.

Edward Shurikenhands*?!

Oni barber of Kabuki-Cho*?

Captain Jack Karasu*?

"Whatever." She shrugs, pulling the blades back to keep it in her sleeve.

The barber looked pretty pissed by the fact that Tsubasa had took over his job and cut Gintoki's hair with four giant shuriken blades. Is this some kind of joke? Kagura resumed to reading her manga and for Tsubasa, she continued playing on that accursed 3TS. It is mind-boggling to Gintoki that Shinpachi did not tsukkomi Tsubasa cutting his hair using a Fuma Shuriken.

The barber was about to continue his rant on mages when Kagura asked about the seventh volume of Abu-man.

Yorozuya watched in awe as the barber rushed out of the shop to get a copy of Abu-man for Kagura. Gintoki wonders why on earth a copy of Abu-man would be more important than a customer who is in the middle of getting a haircut.

"But I did a fine job in cutting your hair. No?" he heard Tsubasa beside him.

"Shut it you crazy bitch! I was almost killed in the middle of a damn haircut! You are not even Johnny Depp*! Why makes you think that you can pull off the Oni Barber of Kabuki-cho?! You can't sing and you are not even married!" he snaps at the lady whose pinky is shoved in her left ear.

"If I'm given a choice, I would've done a Captain Jack Karasu! I can't because it will look like one of your damned overused One Piece parodies!"

'There they go again...' Shinpachi wonders if the pair will ever give each other or people around them a break from their squabbles. Ever. He has accepted the fact that Gintoki and Tsubasa can only communicate to each other in this manner but it still gets on his nerves.

While the pair is locked in their argument, Shinpachi, who had been looking out of the window saw a familiar animal approaching their shop. The same goes for Kagura and they had a hard time getting those two's attention away from each other to point at the direction.

By then, for some odd reasons, Tsubasa had fully changed into her barber attire.

"Kondo-san?" she frowns at the dejected man who is on his way over to the barber shop they are in at the moment.

"Oi! If he ever sees us like this, we can face the Shinsengumi!" Gintoki told them, looking around the shop for something.

"Why?" Tsubasa asks, getting her black wig out and is in the process of getting into her disguise.

"Why is the one getting into her disguise first asking?!" Shinpachi pointed to Tsubasa who had finally gotten her wig on. The other three stared in awe as they watched her now putting on heavy eyeliner over her eyes.

"I feel like it. Barber*." she states, now tying a scarf over her wig of matted black hair.

"Huh?" Gintoki felt weirded out.

"You asked, for a Captain Jack Karasu didn't you? Barnabas*." she smirked, with hands on hips.

"Johnny Depp-aru!" Kagura gaped in awe.

Tsubasa or Captain Jack Karasu gave them a thumbs-up before staggering off to welcome Kondo. She looked more drunk than alert when addressing Kondo. However, the gorilla was too dejected to notice just how drunken Captain Jack Karasu looked. Gintoki managed to shove her aside to try getting rid of the gorilla.

Knocking her off, she continued acting drunk while watching from the sidelines.

"You know, if you want to change, you'll just have to cut your belly. Edward*." she slurred.

"I bet not even God wants a gorilla in heaven." Gintoki joins.

"I should just cease from this dimension..." Kondo looked as if he got stabbed by them repeatedly with a blunt knife.

Tsubasa continued on with her weird jerky little 'dance' by the side when Kondo is still going emotional over the fact that everyone is not welcoming him to their shops. It was Shinpachi and Kagura who took the poor gorilla into the shop.

After arguing amongst themselves, everyone turned to Tsubasa who had been leaning against the wall of the shop. Still acting drunk. Before Gintoki could push Kondo to her, she passes out immediately. 'Fuck you bitch!' the now-afro Gintoki gaped at the scene. While the rest were arguing with Kondo in those Street Fighter terms, Tsubasa giggled occasionally in her state of unconsciousness. That bitch.

That is until someone stepped on her.

"Excuse me." Came that ridiculously familiar voice." This may sound awkward but I heard that I could find a charismatic hairdresser of rare caliber here…"

Even the drunk Captain Jack Karasu will sober up at lightning speed after bumping into this stupid situation!

With the combined effort of an extremely sober Captain Jack, Gintoki and Shinpachi, they had managed to kick Katsura out of the shop but things are not going as well as they thought it to be.

Looking at the afro man and Captain Karasu, Katsura seemed pretty determined to stay in for a haircut. Putting that aside, Tsubasa is too worried about those two clashing to put up with any stupid Karasu acting. Gintoki and she are pretty determined to get rid of the Joui leader out of the shop so that they do not land the owner into some deep shit.

Kondo was about to say something when Kagura stuffed a hot towel into his face to keep him shut. Gintoki took the chance to stuff Katsura into the nearest chair and had managed to keep him occupied by instructing him to wait for 'the shampoo to sink into your scalp'.

Yorozuya huddled together in one end of the shop and started wondering what should be the next course of action.

"Gin-san, this can't work out. It's only a matter of time before they get up and see each other. By then, we'll be toasted!"

"Are we going to have yakiniku after this-aru?"

"All we have to do now is to leave this place and leave this to the hands of God!"

"If you don't want your balls, I can have them. You're given balls by God too, tenpaa!"

"And it's some wrinkled and dried-up hairy old man's balls-aru." Kagura mentioned and they could see smoke emitting from Gintoki's afro wig.

"Do you know how expensive it is to maintain these damned balls?!"

"That's not my point. My point is…" Shinpachi was expecting something from her but…"it is more expensive maintaining long hair and you are ruining Zura's hair! Look at all the shampoo! It's going to dry out his hair!"

"What has that got to do with Gin-san's balls?!"

"There's hair on your balls, no?" Tsubasa asks, scratching her wig.

"Well, I've shaved them last we-Hey! This is not the time discussing about my pubic hair!" Gintoki snaps at Tsubasa. "And what has that got to do with Zura's hair getting dried out by shampoo?!"

"Well, now I know the reason why you are so prissy. If you wash your pubic hair with soap or shampoo too much, it's going to be dried up and rough! No woman likes wrinkly and rough balls!"

"How the hell do you know that I have wrinkly and rough balls?! You've seen mine before?" Gintoki snarled at the tranny-turned-Captain-Jack-Karasu-Tsubasa.

Shinpachi regretted dragging these two into this discussion. Both of them are getting way off topic. From hair to Gintoki's balls.

"BOTH OF YOU! STOP IT! At the rate you guys are going on with Gin-san's balls, we'll have to move the the mature section and lose even more readership!" Shinpachi snaps at the pair.

"We have readers? Seriously?" Tsubasa frowns at the thought of this fanfiction having substantial number of readers that the change in rating is going to affect the views adversely.

"Ha! Not even Big Bang* and Naruto* is able to save the bad viewership of this fanfic, who cares about the readers?! Nobody reads stuff that involves a blonde version of Haruno Sakura prancing around in Kami-Mode Sue get-up while doing weak tsukkomi!" Gintoki barked. Tsubasa looked as if she shall be releasing the Kraken on the man soon.

"I think the readers got sick of this fanfic after a while because there's no romance-aru. Most people likes a romance or two-aru." Kagura told them. "And it's been over twenty chapters and there's no progress at all. Between Gin-chan and that Demon Commander or Gin-chan and Zura, or Gin-chan and that madman or Gin-chan and..."

"Why are you listing down all the yaoi pairings, Kagura-chan?" Shinpachi asks.

"That never goes wrong. No? But I prefer GinTsu*." Tsubasa suggests.

"What?! What GinTsu?!" Gintoki looked pretty flustered upon hearing 'GinTsu'.

The three of them frowned at the man who went slightly red around his ears and Tsubasa stared. The colour around his ears spreaded to his cheeks under Tsubasa's quizzical stare and the lady is pretty confused by the reaction.

'GinTsu. Definitely GinTsu*.' the three of them thought.

Turning away, Tsubasa shrugs and pulled out her phone which had been modified into a compass.

"Bah, whatever. If Big Bang can't save this fanfic, I'll call up TOP to get JYJ* and TVXQ* down. Or maybe ask Changmin* for Minho's* number or something."

"You'll get into trouble if you don't change their names, Tsubasa-san." Shinpachi told the lady who shrugged while texting. "And are we going to get back to the Barber Plot?"

Everyone stopped what they had been doing for a few seconds.

Then the Yorozuya smile.

It was too troublesome* to stick to such an old Arc.

* * *

*Is it some Uchiha Clan thing? They like using fuma Shurikens.

*Parody of Edward Scissorhands

*Parody of Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street

*Parody of Captain Jack Sparrow

*Yes, all Johnny Depp roles/movies mentioned.

*Reference to Sweeney Todd, who's a barber.

*Reference to Barnabas Collins, another character played by Johnny Depp.

*Reference to Edward Scissorhands.

*Reference to the Vig Vang Arc made-up a few chapters ago...

*Reference to Tsubasa's background.

*GinTsu can be either Gintoki X Tsukuyo or Gintoki X Tsubasa (the OC in this story)

*JYJ and TVXQ are Korean bands.

*The Changmin Tsubasa is referring to is Shim Changmin from TVXQ.

*Choi Minho, a member from Korean band SHINee. (Pardon me, I can't seem to spell the name properly. Is it SHINee or Shinee? =_=)

*Reference to Naara Shikamaru from Naruto. His catchphrase is 'XXX is too troublesome'.


	26. Chapter 26

The sun.

Finally.

The sky is blue. There are clouds and she is standing with her feet planted firmly on the ground.

Taking a deep breath, Mika stretched and felt alive once more.

She had been to many planets but none is comparable to Earth. After all, Earth seems to be the closest to her home. Finally she is not seeing more Amanto on the streets and there is finally normal-looking...

Then a bunch of Gorilla Amanto went pass.

Ok. Not so free from those things after all.

But it is still better than the airship.

Since most of the Kiheitai people are wanted, she is free to explore the streets on her own. Well, at least her surrounding is Takasugi-free. She is out shopping with Makoto but the gunner had left her alone with Bansai. It is better this way though. She cannot stand a moment around Makoto and it is mutual.

Humming a random tune, she makes her way to the nearest teahouse which catches her fancy.

Bansai followed behind her quietly, observing the lady as she ordered her coffee.

Having recovered from most of her battle wounds against Tsubasa, she felt less guilty in indulging in coffee. However, while she is getting so elated with being back on Earth, she will have to hunt down the blonde to finish their fight.

"I've received news on the Kiheitai that they are planning for another bombing these days." Sougo's voice drawled in the background.

"What makes you think that I'll be interested in this sort of information, Sofa?"

"It's Sougo, Boss." The young man drawled upon hearing that comment. "I was thinking that Sasa might be related to them."

Mika's attention switched from her cup of coffee to the group behind her. Did the young bored man mention 'Sasa'? Now she has some work to do. Turning around to take a better look at the source of the voice, she sees a rather uninterested man with silver permed hair (not to mention, a pinky stuck in his left nostril) of around Takasugi's age with a uniformed young man.

She assumed that the younger man is some sort of an officer on Earth.

'And he's quite cute. Hey, what went wrong with your mind?!'

"Okita Sougo, Captain of Shinsengumi's First Squad."

"He looks a little too young to be a captain." then again, Kamui of around the same age as Sougo is a captain in Harusame.

"He's regarded as a genius swordsman within the Shinsengumi." Bansai replied tersely and Mika could tell that he must have crossed paths with Sougo to make such comments.

This might be interesting.

However, her eyes seems to be distracted by the uncultured man sitting beside Sougo. Seriosuly, who the hell digs his nose this nonchalantly in a cafe. It is as if nose digging is some sort of compulsory cafe ettique. Also, the unkempt silver hair is making him look even untidier. However, she has to admit that this man wears his untidiness well.

And his eyes.

He has similar eyes to Shinsuke.

"That's Sakata Gintoki. He was Shinsuke-sama's comrade during the Joui War. Also known as Shiroyasha."

Sakata Gintoki...

A man also went by the name of a White Demon*.

"Hah? Who cares about that flat-chested abomination?" she heard Gintoki.

"Boss, if she is with them, you'll have to be careful." Sougo told Gintoki before leaving.

Gintoki shrugged and finished the remaining dango.

What if what Sougo said is true? That she is part of Kiheitai?

From his observations, she seems a little too carefree to be part of the madman team. She seems to fit better with the tax robbers than those madmen. She better not be part of the madman team though. Gintoki could foresee some difficulties in fighting that flat-chested blonde.

He does not have the time to think about that at the moment though.

"Oi you." Bansai and Mika tensed upon hearing Gintoki. "How long do you plan on eavesdropping from your stupid little corner?" Bansai's hand on his hidden blade tensed when he saw Gintoki leaving his seat.

How in the world did the man managed to spot them?

Mika prepared for an ensuing fight but Gintoki walked pass their table to the next one.

A man of around the same age as Gintoki sat there with the top half of his features hidden by the shadow casted by the straw hat that he is wearing. A huge penguin-like mascot is by his side and it flashed a placard 'what a coincidence, Gin-san!' to Gintoki who did not seem to be impressed.

The man has long silky hair which reached his back and he is in priest's robes.

"Zura, what are you doing here?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" he corrected Gintoki.

Bansai relaxed considerably when he saw Gintoki talking to Katsura and he proceeded to inform Mika of Katsura's background. Mika was rather taken aback when she learn that Katsura being under the same sensei as Gintoki and Takasugi. The unkempt Gintoki, rather weird Katsura and the outward crazy Takasugi did not look like they grew up under the same roof. Neither does the trio look like they have been taught by the same sensei.

They looked...as if they are being raised in three different places of Japan.

Watching the exchange between Gintoki and Katsura is rather entertaining though. It made her wonder why in the world is Takasugi that different from them. They seemed to be rather...relaxed. Also, Katsura looks downright free for a leader of a Joui Faction.

When she thinks about it, Takasugi also looks free most of the time. No?

"Mika-san, I have some matters to attend to. Do you want to return to the ship or?"

"It's ok, Bansai-san, I can cope on my own. Thanks." she smiles to the man. Bansai nodded curtly before leaving.

'Please stop smiling like that to me, Mika.'

'Bansai is acting a little odd these days...I wonder what went wrong...is it his producer job giving him problems?' she wonders, watching Gintoki beat up Katsura.

* * *

*Mika is also known as Shiroyasha back home...(made-up)


End file.
